Hi mandksdad -- Hey, once a month ain't so bad. And I totally envy you the "no attention to my breasts" comment. I hope your progress continues, and that your frequency and intensity continue to increase. It's good to hear from you. And I often have the feeling of the SSM board standing behind me, whispering in my ear while I'm communicating with my W. Although, HP and JJ keep on goosing me.

HP - MC is going pretty well. I articulated an important point to my W yesterday in our session. Without having anything but the most nominal shows of physical affection from her, I teeter on the edge of mere existence, and when she criticizes me, I tumble down, fully believing that she must really not love me. If she truly loved me, wouldn't she kiss and hug and want to ML more? Well, no, apparently, because that's not her love language. So when we have an argument and I'm deep in the pit of "she doesn't love me," it always surprises me when she says that she does. How can she love me when I just let her down? But she does, indeed, love me.

This concept is one of the keys of the relationship, because, when I grew up, my parents were somewhat aloof, although I watched the disappointment they exhibited when my older brother "let them down." This is why I was always the "good kid," the overachiever. I knew that, even though they weren't falling all over themselves praising me or giving me lots of attention, they must love me because I wasn't getting the disapproval my older brother was getting.

So, when W shows me her disapproval, I automatically think that I'm the "target child" in the family. I have to get over that.

Meanwhile, based on her father's disapproval and untrustworthiness (outright lying) to her, I have to be honest and accepting of her in order to make her feel safe. No more lies...even little white ones. It doesn't make a difference if I lie about something big, say, my crack addiction (just kidding), or something little, like whether I gave the dogs their pills. I need to tell her everything, even if I know she will chide me for it. Chiding or whatever, she still loves me. I have to get that in my head. Because, if I don't tell her the truth about everything, this will confirm for her that men, just like her dad, are lying jerks. And it calls into question everything I say to her.

Showing interest in her activities and opinions is a big thing, too. Accepting her for who she is, even if I differ in my opinion (and don't be afraid to share that difference), these are some of the keys.

We're working on it, and MC has helped, big time. We still have a long way to go, but at least we're headed in the right direction.

Hairdog

p.s. to HP: Best of luck with the surgery next week. I'll be thinking of you.