You are doing great! MC is unsettling...you are going there for change. You did a great job of HOY under your wife's attacks ( very clever her use of the enneagram). Here on the BB we all can see her defensiveness, hurling the therapist's tool ( the enneagram) right back at you. She's angry and she's scared. Continue to reassure her that the purpose of the MC is to create a better marriage...it's ok to soothe her abandonment issues a bit.
What does it say that 1's do under stress? Just curious.
Pot shaking is not necessarily a bad thing. It feels bad for a while, but when the shaking subsides, there is a clarity. Stand firm, HD, what you are doing for your M and W, it's a good thing.
I don't mind the sun sometime
The images it shows
I can taste you on my lips
And smell you in my clothes
Cinnamon and Sugar
And softly spoken lies
You never know just how you look
Through someone elses eyes
BHS-"Pepper"
Annette: there are many enneagram sites on the web. A couple I keep on revisiting are: The Enneagram Institute and 9types.com Hope these help. It's pretty fascinating.
I agree with everyone that you're doing a great job of HOY. Keep it up. I predict that your W will attack with even greater ferocity from newer angles, because if she can keep confronting you, it is the best way to avoid confronting herself.
If your C is good, she will eventually get W to a point where she either does confront herself or bolts. Your greatest courage is in knowing this, but continuing to HOY and trying to reach for the best that you have within you.
omg, Hairdog, I read these exchanges and I realize why I am the chicken$hit that I am. Much easier to just live vicariously thru YOUR exchanges, all the while shouting "Go, Hairdog! Get 'em!"
Seriously, I'm no psychologist (and I don't even play one on the Radio), but I think your W's behavior is more symptomatic of SUCCESS than it is FAILURE. I think you and the C are painting her into a corner, where she'll have to deal with her issues, and she's liking it NOT ONE BIT.
Choc.
Badlands, you gotta live 'em every day And let the broken heart stand as the price you gotta pay Keep pushin' 'til it's understood And these Badlands start treating you good...
HD posted
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She said that she needed to feel loved by me, that she doesn't, yet she refused to give me any specific guidance on how to do that. Meanwhile, she told me to stop pressuring her, stop demanding things of her, and stop "performing."
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Although I am not as sex starved as HD, I think my situation is very similar to HD's. I try things. Not much in the way of feed back so you feel you are the only one working on the R.
I know how it feels to not get feedback. You don't know if an action is a waste of time, PO'ing your W, or building the R. Sometimes I think the SO does not really know what they want.
HD, I am glad to see you are gently confronting the issues and sticking up for yourself.
HD, Why not just say to her "I am in need of some guidance on how to best show my love for you. I cannot read minds. If you choose not to help me out here, then you should expect to continue to feel unloved."
Much easier to just live vicariously thru YOUR exchanges, all the while shouting "Go, Hairdog! Get 'em!"