Quote: Here's the problem: Ms. HDog said to me last night that she needs to be able to trust me. No problem there, not an unreasonable request, right? But she starts criticizing me for the types of things I share with the MC. Says that she wonders about my "motives." Says she thinks she I'm trying to ally with the MC and get the MC to see W as "the bad guy." Says that I'm trying to sabotage the counseling so that I can get out of the M and say, "I tried, but W wasn't into counseling."
She's capable of explaining and defending herself with the counselor. She's also a big girl and can express her concerns to the counselor, as well. What you can't allow her to do is stifle you in the counselling sessions in the same way she stifles you at home.
Quote: She said that telling the MC things that W tells me in confidence, is hurting our marriage. But, her definition of "in confidence" seems to be growing wider and wider. For instance, she was angry because I told the MC during my one on one appointment that W felt "attacked" during the previous session. W said that, when the MC talked about this at our most recent appointment, she felt like getting up and walking out.
If the symptoms cannot be fully and truthfully brought up, then it is the equivalent of giving your medical doctor your 2 most socially acceptable physical difficulties while leaving out the 15 not-so-attractive aspects of your ailment.
She/He cannot make an accurate diagnosis based on carefully chosen input meant to misrepresent the situation.
I would encourage you to tell your wife that your goal is not and has not been to do anything *to* her. Your goal is to find a mutually acceptable solution to your marriage issues. That means that both of you will have to speak the sometimes unpleasant opinions of each other and the occasionally unattractive ways you might deal with each other.
Quote: We have an appointment today, and I feel like, if I am to help foster an emotional closeness with my W, I can't say anything. Yet I know that me not saying anything will piss her off, too. (Not that I intend to sit there like a bump on a log, but I am really confused)
I wouldn't be an ass about it, but please do not let your wife hamstring you in this. If you don't feel that you can speak up in the session concerning your wife's rapidly growing parameters of what you can and can't talk about, I would look at meeting or phone consulting with the counselor privately and let her know what you're dealing with at home on this issue. That way she has a more accurate representation of what is going on.
I would suspect that your wife knows that what she is doing is outside the bounds of what most folks would think as acceptable and she's going to start squirming even more if her actions are brought into the light of day.
