We've been going to this really good MC lately. Very intelligent, very good at drawing me out, very good at giving us "assignments," and, of course, the lady introduced me to the Enneagram.
Here's the problem: Ms. HDog said to me last night that she needs to be able to trust me. No problem there, not an unreasonable request, right? But she starts criticizing me for the types of things I share with the MC. Says that she wonders about my "motives." Says she thinks she I'm trying to ally with the MC and get the MC to see W as "the bad guy." Says that I'm trying to sabotage the counseling so that I can get out of the M and say, "I tried, but W wasn't into counseling."
She said that telling the MC things that W tells me in confidence, is hurting our marriage. But, her definition of "in confidence" seems to be growing wider and wider. For instance, she was angry because I told the MC during my one on one appointment that W felt "attacked" during the previous session. W said that, when the MC talked about this at our most recent appointment, she felt like getting up and walking out.
"How would you like it if I told MC that you didn't like her lifestyle?" (We suspect that MC is a lesbian, and no, I don't have a problem with her lifestyle at all). I answered, "assuming I would say such a thing, I don't care if you shared that with her. Anything that you think would be helpful to working on our marriage should be open season for the counselor to hear." W: And in what way was it helpful to our marriage to tell MC that I felt "attacked" by her? H: Well, first of all, I didn't say that you felt attacked by HER, just that you felt attacked. Second, I thought that sharing that with her might help her counsel you in ways by which you would not feel attacked. W: So you were trying to rescue me? H: No, I was trying to help the R.
And so it goes.
We have an appointment today, and I feel like, if I am to help foster an emotional closeness with my W, I can't say anything. Yet I know that me not saying anything will piss her off, too. (Not that I intend to sit there like a bump on a log, but I am really confused)
I'm not even looking for guidance, per se, from y'all; just venting a bit.
