Sherryl, when I think back to a couple of months ago when you were frazzled and then thought you had become too detached (like me!) and wanting to end your frustration and all, and compare it now with the unfolding or turn of events, it's absolutely amazing to me. Perseverance can pay off! You know yourself better now, have tested your limits and found you are strong and H seems to be making strides. I'm proud of you!!!!
Thanks NY, you, along with everyone else on this board have helped me through this.
There were times when I thought I would never get to this point. It is hard to see it in the midst of all the pain. But, for me, turning this over to God has made all the difference. I have peace. I have wanted and strived for it for a long time but I kept giving into my emotions. Now, I can't even explain how I feel or why. I just know it is different and that makes me react differently. I just don't dwell on things anymore either. I am not saying it has all just gone away. But, I can now push thoughts out pretty easily and the more I do this the less they come. And, boy, does that help your PMA.
H just called to let me know what his plans were--another positive--
The kids are gone until Saturday!!I love them but it is nice to have a break. I won't know what to do with myself tomorrow morning when I only have myself to take care of!!!
Yep, I understand what you are saying. It makes me mad to hear that. They are telling you it's over and they are leaving, then in the next instant they are saying something about the future. My H said yesterday, that this winter, he would drain the oil and gas out of the lawnmower before storing it. I was like "YOU". But i didn't say anything, just acted like i didn't hear what he said. But then I remember, "Believe NOTHING of what you hear and HALF of what you see"
Well, Friday night H calls to tell me he needs to work late, then he calls to tell me he is on the way home. The calls were nice. He gets home and says "where are we going to eat because I am not cooking?" Now, since the kids were gone, I was NOT going to suggest going out. So, I was glad he did!!!
This morning I stressed out a bit. I was trying to clean (in-laws were coming to pick up D4 for the week), pack D4, all before noon, because I had to go pick the kids up who were at the other set of grandparents. H had to go finish his final and run copies so he couldn't help. I mumbled under my breath that he could clean the bathroom as he was going on about going to the store before school. He came in and said you don't want me to go. I just said "no, you go, you need to finish your final--I am just stressed." He didn't say anything but got ready to go. He gave me a hug and left. Then I sat down and cried (hormones, PMS--AAAggggg).
But, instead of dwelling on it, I got over it and got myself busy. H called at the store to ask about something. Then he called a few minutes later to tell me to just leave the house and not worry about it. I told him it was okay, I got done what I needed to. Then, he called when he finished his work. So, all in all, I don't think my mumbling hurt.
We went to eat with his parents, while there, he suddenly got depressed. His mother noticed. So, when we got home--his parents had already left from the restaurant with D4-- I took S9 to the video store and to pick up a few groceries to give H some space to deal with whatever was going on.
Besides this afternoon, we had a relatively good time when the kids were gone.
Had a good weekend. Had fun with S9, played games with him on Sunday. Not a lot to report. Things are about the same. H did mention that "his therapist" thinks a lot of his problems may be from his back. I didn't push the subject. So, all I can guess is from "problems" he means the anger and possibly depression. I have told him several times to go ahead and have the surgery but he seems hesitant. We have even read about a new one that is supposed to be better. I can't make him do it. Maybe this will.
Sorry I haven't posted to you in a while, but I haven't forgotten you. I'm happy about (sometimes even jealous of) your situation. It sounds like you're keeping very positive.
Thanks D, know what you mean about posting. I haven't doing that as much either.
Last night H asked if it would be okay if he went for a drive. I said yes and that is all(before probably almost 2 months ago-- I hesitated, said yes then put stipulations). He said, are you sure. I said, yes, go. He called after being gone a little while. As we are talking, I see a shadow passs by the bedroom window. I said an expletive (??spelling) then said, I hope that is you. He laughed and said yes. (Something old H would do). When he came home, he thanked me. I said no problem. He told me where he went. I didn't ask. I think he was trying to reassure me that he stayed close to home.
He picked up my cell phone that was on the computer desk in our room and said, you want me to charge this for you. I said yes. Then, he started playing with my phone. It beeped in a minute that I had a text. He acted all innocent. He sent a silly text.
I think he is appreciating the space I am giving him and the fact that I am not all emotional or reacting to things now. And, I am not asking or questioning anything!!!
Great job! You are doing so well and I know that there are times that you feel frustrated by the sitch, but it surely is improving and I think even you can see that.
Right now he needs space, but not too much space that you guys dont reconnect. Keep up what you are doing...I am rooting for you. I wish my sitch was going as well, but hopefully soon things will get better!
