H is back

[ValerieA]

I don't know if any of this helps, but here goes:

He also doesn't think I can forgive him.

Sherry, HAVE you forgiven him? If so, have you SAID it to him? If not, maybe he needs to HEAR it.

Also, I'm sure he needs to SEE it. How has your PMA been around H lately? I know you've posted that your PMA has been good and you're really enjoying the kids, but what about H? Have you been enjoying him as well?

I ask because I know that my PMA had disappeared in H's presence. I was trying to show it, but it can be extremely difficult when I'm going through those "numb" feelings.

I think with my almost non-existent PMA around H, and H noticing, he very well could be thinking that I haven't forgiven him.

So again I ask you, have you been enjoying H when he's around? Have you said or better yet SHOWN him in YOUR ACTIONS that you have forgiven him?

He again brought up things I had done in the M.

I agree with NY -- this has to stop.

My H always used to bring up bad stuff from the past. He did this again before coming home the last time (about 2 weeks ago).

When he got home and later asked me what I wanted, I said to H, "I don't know, but I do know that I'm tired. I am tired of pointing fingers and blaming each other for who did what to who. I want to stop doing that. We both know that it doesn't help anything, and all it does is push us farther apart." My H was actually nodding his head in agreement as I was saying this to him. A HUGE step in the right direction.

He said yes, but let me get straightened out. I need to "get my head out of my butt" (his words not mine).

Sounds like he is acknowledging he has a problem, so give him the time and space to find his way.

I don't know anymore. Yesterday, I was sad. I just don't know if I want to do this anymore. I do know I will not do anything until summer. I will do that for the kids.

I guess we will wait and see what happens.

I know these feelings, Sherry. Remember what you've told me over and over before? TIME and PATIENCE. You have to have a lot of it.

Try not to put a time limit on this either.

My H wanted to try for a month but then upped it to 2 months when he realized it was too short.....Here we are 3 months later now. It's been a rough ride, but nevertheless, we are still here.

What if your deadline came and you were only a few days away from H being completely back in your M?

Again, I'm not sure if any if this helps, but I just wanted to get it out there.

Thinking of you....

JV