Well, things keep rolling along of course with bumps along the way.
Tuesday night I was paying the bills and discovered H had paid the cell phone bill w/out telling me. I got upset, more about the sneaking and hiding than anything.
We talked. He said that everyone is on my side and that noone has asked why he would do this. Duh... It is wrong and they are not going to side with you. I didn't say that, just thought it. I tried to explain how hurt his family was. I explained that they don't like the way he is doing things. The would have understood if you were having problems in your M and you divorced then started another R. His dad basically told him that. I told him that they will support him even if they don't agree with how he has done things.
He also doesn't think I can forgive him. I asked him why would I be here if I couldn't do that. He again brought up things I had done in the M. I again apologized to him. Then I asked him, why can't you forgive me? That startled him. He said I never thought of myself as an unforgiving person. The talk was not too long, no yelling, no ugly words. I am sure he perceived it as an argument but it wasn't really.
I asked him later if he had contacted our pastor. He did last Monday but he was on vacatioin. He said no but thought he would call him back since he left a vm. He asked if the pastor was in church on Sun. I said yes as part of the congregation but not preaching. He said I will call tomorrow but I may need reminding. I asked if it was marriage counseling or just counseling for him. We were standing in the breakfast room where we have a broken window that he threw his keys through. He said I hadn't thought that far ahead, but maybe I need to go by myself. I don't want to that anymore (looking at the window). I agreed then asked if he would be willing to go to marriage counseling. He said yes, but let me get straightened out. I need to "get my head out of my butt" (his words not mine).
So, he has his first appt today. He told me he would not tell me about the session. I am not surprised. I won't ask either.
This is so confusing. First he doesn't think I can forgive him and goes on about how terrible our M was then he seems sincere about counseling and is willing to go to M counseling.
I don't know anymore. Yesterday, I was sad. I just don't know if I want to do this anymore. I do know I will not do anything until summer. I will do that for the kids.
