H has been coming home early, so that is nice. Still does his nightly solo activities.
But, I am keeping my PMA up. I am trying to focus on me and the kids while being positive. I finally see it working. I am handling the kids differently, reacting differently. I have been praying a lot about this and see it working and coming into play.
Thanks Beth (don't know if you are still out there) I checked out that website and ordered the material. It hasn't come yet. My focus now is on me and my R with God.
I finally feel good again. Thanks everyone, Sherry
sounds like things are starting to come around for you and I am glad to hear that all of your prayers are working.....I hope that mine start too...but wait...I have been praying for you too....so I guess its started. I hope that you have a great weekend. Stay sweet and stay strong.
Last week during the BIG convo/fight in front of his parents, I mentioned him going to church. He had said previously he didn't feel spiritually ready. I asked if going to church wouldn't help this. He said I don't want to go to SS. I said, I will keep taking the kids and myself to SS and you just meet us for church. I haven't said a word about it since, not even this morning as I am getting myself and the kids ready to go.
I didn't expect him to show up. After church, I turn my cell phone back on and there is a vm from H. It said how he lost track of time and couldn't make it but he was in the area (of the church) to call him when we were done. We met for lunch, he was dressed for church. Hmmmm....
Go figure, for once I had planned on NOT calling him like I normally do ( I usually text or call to let him know what I am doing esp about eating to avoid problems). But, since he left the vm, I did because he would have been mad if I had not.
I'm glad your PMA is up, you need that more than anything. I do want to offer up some advice, you can take it or leave it.
Quote: Still does his nightly solo activities.
We all need some alone time, even you. I know you may see this as your H not "really" wanting to be with you but could it be that he just needs time to himself to gather his thoughts and unwind. He has a lot to deal with too...especially guilt I'm sure. Don't take his doing alone stuff personal...just make sure you make time for you to do the same.
Quote: I mentioned him going to church
Look at this from a DBing standpoint: 1) you are trying to change/control something that is not within your control and 2)it runs along the lines of pursuing. I know that this is important to YOU, but again, you need to give him time, he's not ready for that yet. Focus on you, you can only change/control you.
Plus it sounds like he is trying to make his way there and back to you.
As far as the solo activities, it is just that everything he does once he gets home is alone. And it is not 20 to 30 minutes of unwinding. It is pretty much all evening. He takes hour long bike rides, plays drums from 15- 30 minutes (sometimes a few times an evening), is on the computer from 30 minutes-hours. He sometimes does all these things in the evenings. He only see the family at dinner. I don't have a problem with him doing somethings by himself. I really don't. At the moment, it just feels more like he is avoiding us. But, I am not saying anything about it and just acting as if. I must say I am playing with and enjoying my kids so much more. This has opened my eyes to what is important. If he doesn't want to be a part of that, I can't change it. But, it is his loss.
The church thing I only brought up once (last Sunday) and it was in response to a statement he made. I have not and will not bring it up again. I know I can't make him go or change him. Believe me, I understand that. I was pleased that he did make an attempt to go. I did not comment on it at all yesterday even when meeting for lunch. I will continue to go and take the kids.
I am definately not pursuing him at this point. I pretty much do my thing. I only concern him with dinner and lately that is just to see if he is hungry and wants what we are having (which is a 180). I don't think he sees too many if any of my behaviors as pursuing at this point. My focus is on me and the kids.
He did thank me last night for doing the laundry. It was a huge chore. It had piled up from last week. So when he put his clothes up, he realized how much there was and thanked me.
I don't know if he is making his way back and right now I am not worrying about it. Right now I feel like I will be okay either way. He has a lot of things to sort out.
So, I keep going one day at a time. Patience and God will get me through this.
Sherry... I still think that you are doing well. I wish I had my H at home again....maybe one day. I like to hear that you are being strong but still showing that there is some motivation there. Keep it up!
My attitude has changed. For one, I know I will be okay no matter what happens. I was riding bikes with the kids last night and thought this is great--the kids are laughing playing and the weather is great--life is good.
H did help (a little anyway) with dinner. He is still getting home early. He did tuck me in last night (playful) and give me a kiss on the forehead. Sometimes he seems like the old H. But, I know he is not close to being that yet. He pretty much played drums or was on the computer (except for dinner) until 9 last night. We watched some tv then he got back on the computer.
I apologize for not posting recently but trust me, I have been following your situation. I think when you look up "up and down" in the dictionary, your H's picture is next to it! Am I right in thinking that when you wake up each morning you don't know which H you are waking up to?
Well (1) at least he's there, (2) he's showing affection and (3) it seems like he's really trying. What I like to see is you saying that you feel like you will be OK regardless of the outcome. Girl, that is half the battle.
Sherry, I'm happy that you are showing all of us what it's like to be strong. Keep it up not just for you but because it helps all of us.
uss