Thanks for you kind words. I am glad someone gets some encouragement and insight from my posts. Sometimes I feel like I ramble or just vent. I am so confused these days about what I feel, I don't see how I can help anyone else. So, thanks.
You are right, it does help to know you are not alone in this. Others are feeling the same thing, too.
Well not a good night. Somehow a R talk ensued, not sure how. It all seems like a blur. I remember standing there thinking how did we get to this convo.
Of course H just keeps on acting like everything is just fine and dandy. He is picking up D4 today. I asked him if he would (which I never do unless I have a meeting). He didn't respond right away so I had decide to not push the issue. He finally emailed yesterday saying he would pick her up today. Then he emailed today reminding me he was.
Okay, any insight here would help. During the R talk, I asked have you noticed I am ... h said no, you know I don't notice things. This is not the 1st time he has said this. Early on after the bomb when I asked have you notice... he said now that you mention it, yeah, but no I hadn't before. Am I just spinning my wheels here if H doesn't notice what I am doing? He certainly expects me to notice what he is doing. He said have you notice I...
Any thoughts???
Hey Beth, do you have a thread anywhere? I would love to read up on your sitch.
My sitch in brief is under Piecing - New Here and Question.... (I don't know how to link either).
As for your H not noticing things, do you believe him? Sometimes I think my H pretends he doesn't just to be contrary. You know, to hold on to his justifications. If he truly is not noticing and you have the energy, just keep plugging along and maybe try something new. For me, if I detatch, it is worse with H because he says I've always been distant. The best times we've had in years were the immediate weeks after the bomb, when I was clingy, sobbing all the time and all over him. Go figure. Now I am in major detatch mode because it is true, it is my nature. I can't stand to be in the same room with him lately so avoid him. I know this doesn't help and I am fighting every impulse to be nasty. Tonight, I purposely didn't tell him where we'd be, knowing he's been getting home at 4:30, and I was out 'til 7. Do you know he did not even bother to see where I was until 6:20? This man knows how to GAL, while I wait around for him like a whipped dog. To make matters worse, I checked the caller ID and he never called to say he was on his way home, which has been our agreement of late (so I can time him and know where he is for sure). I found a receipt for dinner, and I know it was with his friend who is leaving work this Friday for another job, but he NEVER used to do that kind of thing without telling me before. It's like he's pushing any button he can (we had a major R talk last night in which I said I may be leaving this weekend).
Anyway, this is your thread, not mine! Sorry!! Isn't this just the craziest thing you can ever imagine happening in your life? What a nightmare!!
Try and have a good night! My H is mowing our 5 acres, so I won't have to deal with him for hours and then it will be bedtime, which means my back is turned and he doesn't care!! I'll check in tomorrow. I'm semi-addicted!!
Beth
H 40
Me 40
married 15 years
5 children aged 2-11
Bomb 2-6-05
Now we are piecing, I think
I guess I have been trying to sort myself out and figure out what I want.
This week was bad. My H has always had a temper. I have lived with it but this week for the first time, he scared me. He has never hurt me or the kids. But this week was bad. On Thursday, I found out he messed with my phone which made me mad. He erased ow #. I wasn't mad about that, I really don't care about her anymore. I am beginning to think that she can have him. I was mad that he had the nerve to mess with my phone. His phone is hidden at ALL times unless he is wearing it. He would be furious if I dared to touch his phone. Well, he had the audacity to get mad at me, when I questioned him about it.
This was the 2nd time he lost control this week.
On Saturday after being cussed out, I decided to leave. I packed me and the kids up and went to a hotel. My mom phoned his parents who did not know up to this point. They called me and said there is nothing he could say that would put them on his side. They were behind me 100%. So they drove down (4 hours, mind you) Sunday morning to talk to him. He was not happy, he was furious. I came home on Sunday to sort things out before they left. We are basically at a stalemate. But, his parents did see how unreasonble he is and they saw his anger in full force. They asked him to leave the house and let me and the kids stay (at one point he refused to leave). They stated over and over that he needed counseling. He agreed!!!!!! He called our pastor today to set up an appt.
Anyway, I am just exhausted mentally and physically. For now, he is home. His parents left, it came down to me keeping my mouth shut about everything or him leaving. I said for the kids sake I would keep my mouth shut. If I do that H is fine. I am just so tired of keeping it all inside. I will do it until summer though. I can see how this is affecting the kids. I want them to have some normalcy. If I keep things in check, then all will be okay.
I will see where things are at the beginning of June.
I am losing the will to fight and losing a lot of feelings for him. Part of me is ready for this to be over. What is sad, is before I would be crying after typing that statement. Not today. I am becoming numb inside.
Sorry for the long post. Believe me this isn't even half of what has happened this week.
I'm sorry things have been so rough (I'm sure that's an understatement ) for you lately. My H has a BAD temper, too. Always has. He will physically show it but has never "applied" that anger onto me or the kids either.
Just try to hang in there, Sherry, and be strong. Take care of YOU and your babies. They need to see you shine, hon.
Thinking of you...
JV
Valerie
"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination." ~ author unknown
Both of our deals seem to be linked. When you're doing well, I'm doing well. When you're deal blows up, my deal goes to Sh**!
I don't want to just tell you to "Keep it up" or "Hang in there" or "It'll get better". I think we are both beyond that. The part I've never heard from you before is the Temper thing. I don't like this. Are you sure you are safe? Bottom line is you and your kids' well being. Screw everything else.
Especially now, please don't go 3-4 days without shouting at us, even if it is a one-line post.
Don't make me come to Texas!!!!
I just got home from the Dodgers first loss at home this season. I must sleep now...
I agree...Please dont go days without checking in...We are all family here and worry when someone has disappeared. I had a similar thing happen back in Oct with my H....Things got so bad that his parents intervened as well, thats when we got him to go to a psychiatrist. He doesnt go anymore, but we did get him there.
Be strong for you kids and yourself! I will check in later Sun
) for you lately. My H has a BAD temper, too. Always has. He will physically show it but has never "applied" that anger onto me or the kids either.