Hey Russ --Is it Russ or Rusty?? You sign both of them, which do you prefer?
About the weather, I mean, soon enough it will be in the 90s with lots of humidity and too hot to be outside. The heat index gets into the 100s here and is unreal. During that time they suggest only going out when necessary. It just gets too darn hot. Now it is in the upper 70s and low 80s. Beautiful.
Things are still going well. H is doing little things like calling more. I am still detaching and not contacting H unless he contacts me.
Hello, My name....When I taught skiing for a living, I went by the name Rusty. All my most closest friends call my that and when writing here, among friends...Rusty slipps out. It's the alter ego.
Formal name is Russ. Call me what you want. W calls me Rusty only about 1/4 the time.
Good work on the H front. More work ahead, Keep the GAL.
Have a nice night. god weather, here was 71 deg today. Though the lake is too cold to swim, about 48 Russ
Way to go girl! Things look like they are turning your way little by little. I am happy for you. Your biggest enemy here will be what your mind does to you. I know it is mine. Keep GAL and working on you! H is following close by.
I have not been posting or coming on the baord as much for various reasons. One is that I have neglected work and it is the time of year when it really gets crazy. So, I haven't been getting on as much at work. Another reason is that I have been spending more time with the kids outside since the weather is nice.
Lately I have been questioning everything. The thing is that I don't question H and ow too much anymore. If ow pops in my head I can easily push it out but recently I just tell myself you know what it doesn't matter and I just don't care. I feel like I am starting to get resentful and bitter about this whole thing. I am just tired (physically and emotionally). I find that I don't reach out to him anymore for hugs, kisses, etc. What scares me is that it doesn't bother me too much. My thoughts are I am pretty much a single mom anyway with him home, what would be so different with him gone? That thought doesn't bother or scare me like it used to.
H has been coming home earlier this week. This morning I was sniffing alot (nose trouble, not crying). H asked what's wrong I said nothing. He asked again and I said nothing. As we are getting ready and pass each other he reaches out and hugs me (which is rare these days). As he is ready to get in the shower (usually he is done by the time we leave but not today) he comes to say goodbye and gives me another hug and a kiss (this is also rare). I used to always seek him out when we left in the morning and hug him bye. I haven't done that in a few weeks. I just leave or say bye now. I feel myself pulling away from him to protect myself.
Last night he asked if he could go no a bike ride. I said yes but not to be too long it was close to 6 and we hadn't eaten. He said okay (he has taken hour long bike rides before). Well after 30 minutes pass, I fix dinner for me and the kids (not H-this is a first in a long time). He rolls in 25 minutes later as I finish dinner. He asks where his dinner is, I said I didn't know when you would get home. He started in about his ride and how time got away from him. I get the kids set up and I go outside to eat by myself. H follows me out there and keeps talking. He goes to make his dinner but keeps coming back out to talk. He then eats out there with me. Sometimes I just want to scream at him I don't want to be your buddy but your wife, treat me like one. But, I dont.
I don't know anymore. I think I am just tired of all this. Keeping everything inside, making nice while he is doing his thing. Maybe I am just in a funk.
Sorry I haven't posted on too many peoples post lately. I have been reading but don't feel like I have much to offer right now.
First off I am glad to see you back...Second I am in the same funk right now. I cant say anything to H about what is going on, I battle with not caring either way, then I care if he does not include me, etc. There has been no physical affection for me since the morning H left for his trip to see OW and that was in Feb. I care and I dont care. I cant offer up any advice as I am in the same predicament. OW still in pic, H is home, etc. But all I can say to you is you are not alone. I know that is not much solice, but its all I have right now...Anyone have suggestions, please chime in.
Ultimatums dont work well with my H. When H is really backed against a wall...he says fine its over (in anger) - but we all know that sometimes things said in anger are not truly what we want. Plus I dont think I can back up an ultimatum.
Sun, if you can't back the ultimatum, then keep DBing-- detach and GAL. I see my H starting to come around but I am very detached at the moment, maybe too detached. Get this, H emails me this morning, I respond. He responds back. I dont respond back to this one --it wasn't really necessary. So this afternoon, he IM me. "Where have you been?" I say, here, my email has been up all day. He says "havent heard from you" ????????????? A month ago he barely emailed me at all. Now it is a few times everyday (just goofy stuff) and he IM me too.
Sun, I have pulled way back and H is starting to iniate things. You need to detach and let your H chase you. This is just my opinion.
I have been reading your posts with interest because it seems our sitch's are similar. You also seem to be going through much of the same emotions as me...vascillating between going crazy with what we want from H and not caring. This is so hard to go through, but it is really helpful to me to see that what I am experiencing and feeling is normal!! Until I found this BB, I truly thought my sitch was unique. Now I realize how typical it is!
Hang in there, I will keep watching your posts as I get a lot of insight and encouragement from them!
BethJ
H 40
Me 40
married 15 years
5 children aged 2-11
Bomb 2-6-05
Now we are piecing, I think
You are so right about the detaching...It does bring them coming around in ways they werent months before. My problem is that as soon as I notice a positive reaction due to my detaching, I drop the rope. I am too eager to see results. I literally have to stop caring so much as to his reactions I think. From what I noticed about people on these boards is that when they finally reached the point of giving up, not caring either way what happened, thats when things started to turn around. Maybe that is something that we both could use a little bit of.. I feel like our sitches are at a similar point. Both our H's are home, yet OW still in pic. The only difference between mine and yours is that my H shows no interest in being with me in a physical way. I have been trying to test the waters somewhat, but I am afraid to jump in and get the shock of that cold water!
I notice also, if my H sends me a text message and I dont respond he will send a message asking if I got his message, but there are TONS of times I send a how is your day going and get nothing. Funny how your H was all crazed that you did not respond to his email. I am going to use you as my role model here, you seem to have the detaching thing down, and I need help with that, so feel free to whack me into place ok?
