I think the only thing that the keeps me going now is the fact that he is trying (hugging, an ocassional kiss, physical contact) and acting more like the old H. He seems a little different. I can't say what it is exactly, less angry, more happy. I don't know. I can't get my hope up, though. I know that.
This is still hard. There are times when I just want to say forget this, I am ready to move on, to have someone want me the way H used to. I try really hard to push those thoughts out. I know they don't help.
I read on someone's post recently about just wanting this to all go away, the feelings, the pain, etc. just for a day. I have had those thoughts more and more lately. I wonder if my H senses that from me. I think since he came back I have detached even more than before. I don't initiate as many hugs or much anything for that matter.
Sorry for the rambling. Lots of thoughts in my head. Sometimes I am just as confused as H.
