I ran some errands this morning in H's car. I go to get groceries and in the trunk is a box taped up. I have seen it before but not paid much attention to it. Well... I opened it. Inside was extra clothes and what nots. I was steaming. I went home and H knew I was mad asked what was wrong. I said nothing. When he went outside to help with the groceries, he saw the box I had thrown by the trash.
He came in and asked, is the box why you are mad. I said yes. He told me he packed that 3 months ago when I was really emotional and had forgotten about it.
I told him I needed a decision. I can't live this way anymore. So he said he would leave. He didn't pack alot, just a few clothes.
I was a basket case at first. I didn't do any DBing today at all. Now I am better. Numb, I guess.
He says he needs to think. I asked him where he was going and he said he didn't know. I called him less than an hour ago ( I know, I told you have not DBed today at all...). He still hadn't called or seen ow.
I did give him an out. I doubt at this point he takes it. I told him if he needed to think and wanted to come back before the weekend was up, he could, if he ended it with ow.
Not a lot of my actions have been reasonable today. But I am slowly feeling okay. I know this will be hard and there will be lots of downs. But I had to do this.
We still have things to discuss--finances, seeing the kids, etc. So, we will have to see each other this week. Tomorrow he is coming to take the dog to the vet.
Fortunately my mom is here. I called her to come and help with the kids. They still leave on Wed.
I'm hearing you girl. The pain is red hot and you wonder when it's going to end - it takes months. Go back to DBing, it saves your dignity and sanity. Even when I'd like to scream and punch him, if I remember to DB I feel much better about it later. I'm praying for you.
Aussie Girl
Life is what happens when you are busy making plans
Sherry I am so sorry...I didn't think he really had the balls to do it! OK, it is going to be hard, my H moved out for 2 months, the best thing you can do right now is to DB, it helps you feel better and it is easier on the kids. Cry at night after they go to sleep if you need to and come here to vent. This is the time to really focus on you. I'm glad your mom is able to be there for you, I know it helps!
Sherry i am so sorry. But i understand your frustration, and some people just gotta know NOW. If you are ok with this, you'll be fine. Sounds like you get mad, but cool off quick. Just don't say anything you can't take back. Maybe a seperation is in order for you two right now. Its ok that you have set bounderies. We are here if you need us!
Sherry.. I am so sorry for what you are going throgh....I feel that sometimes I am getting to the same point. You are in my prayers and I hope the best for you.
I meant that I can't live with his continuing the R with ow. I was to the point that it was draining me and I had to do what was best for me. There were other things too. You might want to look at my old thread getting a life and detaching.
Well...Here is a report on things. Last night was horrible. I was a mess, called H several times and texted him. Whack me good.
This morning I texted him once then told myself to stop. Took D4 to the doctor. H called while I was there and was surprised I was there ( I had texted him last night that she had a fever again). He said to call him when I knew something about her. Well... I went to the movies. When we got out, he had left a vm and texted twice. I called him and he was mad that I did not call him right after the doctor. He then tells me he needs the van to take the dog to the vet. I said okay I will go leave it at the house for you and then leave. (He did not want to see my mother at this point). He then says, "Why don't you tell your mother to go home and you and the kids go to the vet with me (it is a 30 minute drive)??????????? I asked why. He didn't know. He then asked if I wanted him to come home. I said you know I do but there are still conditions concerning ow. He said he couldn't do it quickly. (For me that is a positive because it has always been I can't, period). I asked what he meant by that and he didn't know. So I said let me think about it and I will call you back.
I called back when we got home. More of the same type of convo as above. I said I was very confused and wasn't sure what to do, he said he was confused too. When I asked him about ending it and the steps he would take, he again said I dont know. I said, okay we will leave the van for you and be gone when you get here. He said "wait, don't do that." I repeated that I couldn't continue as things were. He couldn't have us both. I suggested us getting together later and talking more, but for now for him to go by himself since he is sure what he wants. He said okay.
Several hours later, after a few texts about his trip to the vet, he calls. He sounds a little different. He is ready to face my mom and wants to talk to her?????? I was get S9's haircut and he met us there. He looks at me for a long time and talks about how stupid this is. I tried to validate him and told him his feelings weren't stupid.
My mom took the kids home and I rode home with H (his suggestion). He did most of the talking. He is finally thinking about the realities of what his R with ow will be. He mentioned things he was concerned about. As hard as it was, I just sat and listened. He actually thanked me for listening.
Right now he is outside talking to my mom. My mom has been through this, my dad did it to her.
I am trying to not get my hopes up. I have apologized to H for my behavior last night and told him I will be okay no matter what. Yes it will be hard but I can make it. I don't want him to make his decision based on how I behaved.
Honestly, this is the last thing I expected today. I was in the process (and am still waiting for a friend to call back) of making plans for tomorrow so I wouldn't be home while he took the kids to his parent's house. I was making plans for the weekend so I wouldn't go crazy without the kids to distract me.
Will keep you posted. Keep me in your prayers, Sherry
this sounds pretty good so far, SherryL! Can't wait to hear what he and your Mom talked about. From what you said , it sounds like he may be getting "buyers remorse" concerning his R with OW. Sometimes all it takes is to let them have what they think they are seeking, and they find out the grass is always greener over the septic tank for a reason At one point my H seemed to be going that way, when OW sitch was full of high drama. But then she must've found a better way to get her hooks in, cause they ain't done yet!
I am so hoping your H has seen the light here, and is working his way back into your lives. If he does, now you still have some work to do. EVERYONE contributes to the M and everyone has done something that produces the end result. Know where you went wrong, and don't do it again.Know where HE went wrong and don't allow it to happen to you again. i am praying for you and all of us tonight.
You are right about there still being a lot of work ahead. I know that. Fortunately my 180s have not been hard or things I have to had to really think about. Once I started them, they were easy to continue.
He still has feelings for ow. I think this made him look at the whole picture, though and not just his R with her. He realized what he would be taking on and what he would be losing.
Like you said, we have a long way to go. I know that. I am going to go slow and take one day at a time.
At one point my H seemed to be going that way, when OW sitch was full of high drama. But then she must've found a better way to get her hooks in, cause they ain't done yet!