Wow, finally got time to re-read my speed rants from this afternoon. I need to slow down a little. I sounded very "my way or the highway" and it won't let me edit my "train wreck". Hence three posts in a row on my own thread, sorry. The million dollar question is am I ready for her to NOT be honest. Not right now, NO WAY!!! There in lies the problem. If she will continue to be more open, communicative, and expressive that would help greatly. She has started but has a long way to go. I only expect progress not perfection. I don't need her passwords. Tell me about the calls you get or what emails you have received. Not all of them, just share with me what goes on in your life. I enjoy the day to day interaction we used to share. Now I share more of that stuff with my friends than her. We call and ask how each other is doing, you know, just the little stuff. I wish my W would start to do that again. I feel that I am a good partner and friend but my W won't open up to me. She seems to feel that she needs some wall. I have softened dramatically over the years and hopefully that wall will start to crumble. I want to feel close to my W. That is needed in any R. What I realized when she was gone is I can share those little things with someone else quite comfortably and they can with me. Kind of took some of the "shine" off of our R. That was a reality check. My life had revolved around my W for so long and I realized it doesn't need to. A lot of our good times I could have had with someone else. Don't get me wrong, I still love only her but will no longer sacrifice myself for her. I will be more true to myself and if she wants to be with the real me, great. I feel like I finally became my own man at 34. My late FIL was a huge influence on me. He cared for people greatly but could care less what they thought of him. He had tremendous conviction, unwavering, a rock. I want to be more like him. Hopefully maturity will help we get there
