I remember you! Not that I could be considered much of a veteran poster. But since nobody else has chimed in (yet), I'll offer my two cents.
I don't think you should be tying yourself in knots trying to trust her. She has given you no reason to do so. I think the onus ought to be on her to demonstrate some trustworthiness.
I'd suggest you ask yourself what you need to be comfortable giving her another chance. When you've carefully thought that out, present it as a non-negotiable demand.
In my case, I made my wife give up her "privacy". All her "privacy" really amounted to in the end was a cloak for her extramarital activities. I made her give up her cell phone and e-mail, and go get counselling. I didn't try to persuade her or argue her into it. I said in effect, "For me to be willing to continue in this marriage, I need you to do X. If you're not willing to do it, that's all right, but I'll be filing for a divorce." Not very DB maybe.
