Quote: Sorry for the slap that's coming your way, but are you crazy?
Answer: Yep.
I'm impatient, but I'm mainly tired. Tired of this. It feels way to much like playing games and being fake. I felt like having lunch with her and so I asked...she could turn me down if she didn't want to go. The weekend invite was not the best invite. Could have done without the bored and lonely part. I'll consider myself chastised.
But she did try to call this weekend and she did call last night when she got home (I wasn't there to answer any of the time). I called this morning. We had a nice convo. She had a good time in Fargo and she did say almost right away that she tried to get ahold of me. So no harm no foul with my half-a$$ed invite.
Quote: Perhaps you feel that you're so close to D, you don't need to monitor, and weigh your words, and allow your actions to speak, but you do!
I'm completely in the dark here. I have not been clearly rebuffed by my W. Interactions for the most part have been friendly. But I don't get a real strong sense that I'm making progress towards reconciliation...more towards friendship. I am struggling with the monitoring results because there have only been a few times where it was blatantly wrong.
Quote: So, you can sit back and think that you've already lost and continue on as you are OR you can slow down for a bit and think about how you can make this better. What can you do to make yourself more of a friend to her?
I don't think I have already lost. I think there is a reasonable chance that I have. That despite friendship and having changed things up for the better that her mind is made up and she will not change it. I'm doing the things that are making me more of a friend to her...she's already said we are better friends now than we have been for several years. We just talk more which is definitely an improvement and a 180. I think going dark and not contacting her for days or weeks on end will definitely cement the fact that we are not friends. But then again I could be wrong. Geneva, I honestly believe I am not moving farther away...I just don't know if I'm any closer. She still talks about a future without me in it. BUT...here's the thing...she hasn't shown me she thinks we have no future.
a) she still gets her check direct deposited in our joint acccount even though it's been three months and she certainly had the time
b) she has had the divorce paperwork for at least 6 weeks and nothing has come of it (not even mentioned for 3 weeks)
c) She still sounds like she's pleased to talk to me and doesn't sound perturbed when I call (I've heard her talk to her ex and I would definitely know what that sounded like...it's kind of a monotone with very little except yeah...okay...uh huh).
What I'm saying is I don't know if I'm moving forward, but I don't feel I'm moving backward so I don't know if I should try less interaction (more dark). I think I probably shouldn't try a whole lot more (ie lunch etc)...at least not one on one... until she makes the first move.
Did any of this make sense? Any suggestions?
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
