Hey there Hope, A few days of silence then a request for a lunch date? Hmmm, sounds a bit extreme in terms of going dark then requesting intimacy. Maybe see how this experiment goes, then try to sit tight a bit longer, working on yourself, and pursuing interests that you may have set aside for a while?
Dogma wrote:
Quote: I could understand a D if I beat the wife or children, or stayed out all night, or wasted money or time, etc, but I was a GREAT husband. Stayed home with the boys when they were younger, did housework, involved in family activities, etc. But it turns out, she viewed me as the guy who took care of the kids.
I don't quite buy this, Dogma. This is way too passive of a stance for me. We all contribute to our M problems, even in the most extreme of cases. So you were responsible for some of the M demise, and you did have flaws as an H. It isn't until we face this flaws and work very hard to improve ourselves in these areas of weakness that we truly have a chance to win our WAS back.
Quote: And that probability of less than %20 of X spouses who return means there is an greater than %80 chance they do not. I think once the decisions are made, there is no turning back. They do not want to admit they were wrong and the decision whether to be in an R and have to deal with shared responsiblities or live a single life and not have to worry about being accountable to another person, is in their mind an easy decision.
Dogma, you are entitled to your opinion, but I think most of this is nonsense! This is just mere parroting of society's view that things are cut-and-dry easy or impossible. Reality is and humans are so much more complex than this. Most of us have directly experienced the waffling on the part of our WAS or seen their pain. This is typically not an 'easy decision' nor is there 'no turning back' once a decision is put forward. Most humans want to be connected to or loved by another. Its up to us to demonstrate an abilty to provide that better than we did in the past and than anyone else can do in the present/future. This won't be true or possible until we focus on ourselves and learn how to self-love in a consistent, effective manner.
