Any hope after divorce???

[Just_Me]

Dogma, thanks for your old thoughts. They are helpful (if less than reassuring given the outcome).

. The WAS does NOT give a darn about what you are doing, so quit worrying over what they are doing. You CANNOT control their actions, beliefs, thoughts, etc.

I suffer from this. It's intermittent but I do wonder what she is doing, thinking etc. Mainly I wonder when all is silent between us whether she is even considering me/us. I guess you'd have to find a WAW that came back to answer that question.

Quit pushing. Quit hoping something will happen NOW, TODAY. It will not, unless you keep pursuing, then you can almost guarantee the outcome and it will not be the one you seek.

Again, good advice. The difficulty is what is pursuing/pushing? I know the blatant stuff like talking about the R, asking her what she's feeling/thinking, asking her to come back. I don't do any of that. My fine line is if I ask her to do something and she accepts is it pushing?

I'll find that answer out today. After Wednesday and Thursday of silence I finally broke the silence by calling her. Yeah, I know...some would say let it fester longer. "If she wanted to talk or be around me she'd call or something." Maybe I should have let it go longer. I asked her if she wanted to grab some lunch or a coffee when she's off work. She said "we could", but there was a moment of silence. Not a great sign and in retrospect maybe I shouldn't have asked.
My intention is to use this time to listen to what's going on with her life and just communicate. No R talk. I sincerely hope she doesn't bring up anything. I had my doubts about this lunch date, but I'll experiment and monitor results. It is the first one on one we've done in quite a while.

The previous M or R is deceased. Quit digging it up and examining it and trying to breath life into the lifeless form. Start a new R, hopefully with your spouse. But the old R has to die or you will be right back where you are now.

Yep, agree wholeheartedly. I don't want that old R back anyway. But when and how do you start trying to make a new R?
I think about it like this...(but maybe it's too soon to do so)...if this was a woman I just met but was attracted to how would I get her to at least entertain the possibility of a R with me? The first dates with anyone are usually at least somewhat uncomfortable, but you can't get comfortable with someone until you've had those first dates. I don't think my W and I got comfortable around each other for at least 6 weeks (we lived 200 miles apart so that would be like 6 dates). But you can't start a R with someone new by ignoring them completely and hoping they take interest. If I was really interested in a woman I knew, but I never asked her out, she probably wouldn't be thinking about me or entertaining a relationship. So this is a long way of saying...I have to have dates with my W even if it's uncomfortable and even if I have to initiate it. But I'll intersperse these rare dates with times of grey. How's that sound to anyone. Am I justifying pursuing behavior? It's only pursuing if the other person percieves it as such. I'll let you know.