Glanced through some of your past posts. I am convinced the WAW's go to a school. So many of their actions, words, behavior is verbatim.
Once they have reached a point where they leave or want a D, many, many decisions have been made without you. And yes, D seems like the only solution. They have convinced themselves they have "tried" when in fact, they have not. Your spouse did a lot more in considering counseling than mine did. She quit and she wanted out, similar to you.
They cannot offer a good reason tangible reason, because it is all about them. I told people I could understand a D if I beat the wife or children, or stayed out all night, or wasted money or time, etc, but I was a GREAT husband. Stayed home with the boys when they were younger, did housework, involved in family activities, etc. But it turns out, she viewed me as the guy who took care of the kids.
It is cliched and you are sick of hearing, as I was, but you have to take care of yourself. And that probability of less than %20 of X spouses who return means there is an greater than %80 chance they do not. I think once the decisions are made, there is no turning back. They do not want to admit they were wrong and the decision whether to be in an R and have to deal with shared responsiblities or live a single life and not have to worry about being accountable to another person, is in their mind an easy decision.
