I'm very aware that this could very well end in divorce. In the end, I've lost nothing from this process and gained quite a bit. I've stopped worrying that I'll be divorced. If it happens then she truly wanted the M to end and there wasn't a thing I could have done to stop it except for what I did. This process has allowed me the opportunity to take a good hard look at myself. There were things that needed correcting and attitudes that needed adjusting, whether I was married to her or not. There is nothing wrong with monitoring the effects of what you do has on your wife or other people. Actually if you can have success with a WAW or a divorced spouse you should be able to have incredible success with someone that will actually give you a chance.
Dogma, I sense you are bitter how things turned out. I will have some of that too if I fail, but I also know I'll be just fine. I bet on some level you still look for the little signs that may be positive. I've actually heard of a number of people, not just DBers who have been remarried. It's not such a stretch of the imagination. It sounds like you've asked the question..."why would I want her back?" I have too and I want her back for the same reasons I wanted to marry her in the first place. To say "look what she did to our family....etc" is to say that your wife isn't worthy of trust and isn't worth forgiving for walking away. I've already forgiven my wife for leaving for my own sake so I wouldn't be bitter about it.
For right now I'm just happy. I genuinely enjoy being around my wife whether we reconcile or not. I'm actually at this point 50/50 on whether we will. I need more than a little sign to push it one way or the other.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
