Quote: Is that stupid or what? I also asked her what's her hurry...she says this isn't a hurry...and why delay?...and I essentially said I didn't think I could be her friend to the extent we currently were...she criend said she had to go....I didn't leave it at that...I called back and essentially did more of the same...said I needed a couple weeks to come to grips with things and I didn't want any contact with her....then I later took it back. Td ahe conversation was completely insane....at least I was.
I wasn't mad, I didn't raise my voice, I didn't cry, I didn't rant and rave...I just didn't have any kind of rationale thinking going on. I didn't know what I wanted. It was mainly just rambling...saying something...taking it back...saying something else....I just basically said...I'm confused about what I want and how I'll feel after divorce. At one point I did want to give an ultimatum but fortunately didn't. I do have serious doubts that I can just hang out with her like I would with a male friend for months on end. I can only do that if I don't love her or want anything else from her. I've never had a long term female friend and I really don't know if I want one, especially not one I love that doesn't love me back. That sounds insane.
Hi HOPE,
I lost track of your thread and just stumbled across you here and caught up.
I know how you feel about not knowing what kind of R you want after a potential D. I feel the same way. Sometimes I feel that I need to explain that to my W, because she seems so comfortable thinking that we will be friends and there for each other after a D. Then I remind myself that I don't know what I really want. That I so often in the past would make strong statements or give an ultimatum that I didn't really mean. Until I figure it out, I'm going to try to continue to say nothing.
Quote: Unfortunately, there is this ugly little demon in my head that is playing a different tune every once in awhile. It's called pros and cons of life with my wife. This little demon starts throwing out things that made life difficult with her, the things I disliked about her, etc and says..."is it really worth it? You might handle things differently when you are back together but will you wife? Can you trust her not to just run again even if you had her back?" I'm going to spend this weekend sending that little demon back to hell so I can think.
Right, the Demon of Doubt. But insisting on erasing doubt makes the problem just too hard. It's too early to give up.
