Sage, I really appreciate what you have posted about going "too dark" in this case. However, in my own sitch, LRT and going pitch black got me a little contact and then she quit. I got no real positive baby steps no matter what I did. I have had three sessions with Vernetta the DB coach, and together we concluded that since my now XW was so very mad and only vented anger on me when we met before the D, that the best thing was to just leave her alone and wait for her to contact me. You see, I am nearly absolutely sure my XW has not expressed anger to anyone other than me. Yes, we had an arguement that lead to her leaving, but this was only part of her reasons even though she has never told me exactly why she left. She has refused to go to counseling and until she cools off, I can only sit still and wait. I never got the "I don't love you anymore" or anything like that. In fact, early on, she always replied to my "I love you" with "I love you, too." We divorced in 4 months at her insistence. She was talking to friends inquiring when she should file as soon as she moved out. Thus, I am pretty sure she made her decision to divorce out of anger and pride. It can take a very long time for such feelings to subside and that is why I remain dark. So Sage, since nothing really worked, do you still think remaining dark is bad for my sitch? I have tried being a friend and she is not interested in that either although she stated in a letter that she still wanted to be friends...our MC said it would be a better interpretation for me to take it that she meant she didn't want to be enemies. Meanwhile, I have been working at GAL, taking care of my sons and forgiving her. On top of that, I am working on anger management, but without much success so far...it is a very tough pattern to break.
Hope, you have a ton of positives there to carefully work with. As long as she is confused, you have a chance. She does need time to work through things and as long as you don't pressure her with rebuilding the R, you won't drive her further away. I think it is great that the two of you still check up on the stepkids. My XW has pretty much dropped that altogether even though she said and wrote that she would work at it.
