I just had to post because I noticed so many positives in your situation. It seems that your hard work is starting to change things for the better.
I think you should work very hard at not pursuing. Wife is beginning to get comfortable with you, and you don't want to frighten her away. I can totally see how things are getting better between you and you think more interactions like this can only create more positives. In my own situation, I would often mess up things when they started to look better. I would get all excited and overwhelmed by getting closer to H and want more and more of the interaction. I would then start pursuing. Eventually, I learned to clearly notice that this behavior made H very uncomfortable. I have gotton good at getting close to H and then backing off and letting him digest everything that happened. I also remember when it was getting close to my divorce being filed, I began to come onto H like gangbusters. You have to be real careful to not confuse your panic about the divorce being finalized with a sincere desire of being a better friend to her.
You have so many positives and you need to reread your post when you start to second guess your situation.
I agree that very, very, very little tiny doses of pursuing that are perceived as kindness can be a good thing, however; I think wife could freak on you and think you are trying to manipulate the situation and force her to stop the divorce. I would tread very carefully in this arena. Your wife sounds to be on the brink of not knowing what to do. Her confusion is such a good thing for you. You don't want to scare her and make her jump.
Plus, if she decides to go through with the divorce, let her be even more confused when your friendships with her grows more and more. She is having a tough internal war and you want it to get tougher and tougher. Don't give her any reason to think she is making the right decision by divorcing. Don't give her any reason to think you might be just manipulating her.
When should your divorce be final? How much time do you think you have.
About her going away to law school and you worried about her moving. Try real hard not to get to ahead of yourself. Start to think about things on a day to day basis. Looking that far into the future is just going to overwhelm you. You need to validate wife's feeling about going away to law school and try not put your own dreams into her plan. So much can happen between now and the time she moves away if she even does. Help wife pursue her dreams by encouraging her. Applying to law school is a long process. She isn't going to just get into law school and move away overnight. I think you are getting way ahead of yourself in this situation. I am applying to a similar graduate program and I have been preparing myself since this summer when I made the decision to apply. If I do get into the program, I won't start school for another year and a half. I would do the same thing you are doing and worry about all the details of the future. Everything is now starting to fall into place just perfectly. Things will work themselves out so try to just concentrate on one problem at a time.
I just wanted to say that I see a lot of positives happening for you. Enjoy the good that is starting to happen and stay focused on living just today the best you can.
