Any hope after divorce???

[Just_Me]

you're doing a great job validating with WORDS that you're ok with her taking time, finding out what she wants, etc, but you're actions are saying "hey, look at me, I'm moving on!". DB suggests non-pursuit which makes absolute sense...but I don't think it necessarily suggests pulling away hard...particularly right off the bat (yes, I know, it FEELS like a LONG time since you've been DB'ing so perhaps "right off the bat" isn't fair but perhaps more time would have been suggested?). Sometimes I think that "standing still" or "doing nothing" isn't given enough credit

You are 100% correct in everything you said Sage. That is exactly what happened. I was a little too anxious to show physical proof of moving on as a wake up or something. That was interspersed with working on myself. I've done a ton of that...and I like it. Unfortunately I think you are right that I should have stood in place on the other things. She would be more likely to notice the changes in me if she didn't have to pay attention to the most glaringly obvious changes elsewhere. It was interesting that when she talked about how I was moving on that she also listed "took off my wedding ring" and "got your own bank accounts" among the list of moving on things. Things she did also (guess I was supposed to leave that stuff the same). I guess she noticed when I put the ring back on and when I took the ring back off. She was paying attention.

I think part of the problem was I was too withdrawn emotionally from her during part of this. I didn't intend to be but I was rebuffed so many times that I backed too far away.

But have no fear. I have a pretty good feel for our R now and as Geneva points out I have to be patient. And as you point out...standing in place is okay. So that's my primary plan...be a friendly person with a life who isn't making it too outwardly obvious that he's moving on (or making too obvious I'm holding on either). Tough line to walk. Thanks again for the input.

La_esperanza (HOPE)