Any hope after divorce???

[sage]

Hope,

I think it's great that you're looking at what was working and what seemed to put the brakes on. I agree that FF was probably a big factor and also the house stuff. Your w said herself that your actions were suggesting to her that you had given up on the M, right?

Maybe her point was something like this...you're doing a great job validating with WORDS that you're ok with her taking time, finding out what she wants, etc, but you're actions are saying "hey, look at me, I'm moving on!". DB suggests non-pursuit which makes absolute sense...but I don't think it necessarily suggests pulling away hard...particularly right off the bat (yes, I know, it FEELS like a LONG time since you've been DB'ing so perhaps "right off the bat" isn't fair but perhaps more time would have been suggested?). Sometimes I think that "standing still" or "doing nothing" isn't given enough credit..I don't mean not doing ANYTHING with your life, because that doesn't make sense, but I do mean, work on yourself, hone some new interests, work on fixing the stuff that bugged wife about you and the M, but don't pull away from her.

Know what I mean?

Sage