Any hope after divorce???

[Just_Me]

Sage,

Let me give you a little rundown and maybe you can give me some clues that would help me straddle this fence better....and do more of what works.

After she moved out I did see her a fair amount and did the distant but friendly stuff. She indicated on Valentines that she was confused and missed the family type get togethers. She even initiated a hug and kiss, which was a first. After that the whole week seemed more and more positive. She at one point indicated she'd probably be back in a couple months. I tested the waters with a kiss that didn't seem to be rejected, but the next day she said she thought she was leading me on and never should have said all that stuff.

So I went back to distant but friendly. But in the meantime I started working on the house. I changed my entertainment room, repainted it (she didn't like the colors), changed the downstairs carpet (I did ask her about it and she told me the color she liked), and inadvertently started an emotional type thing with a FF. That I think was the kicker. I went to dinner with her and explained that it was mainly just friendship, but she wasn't buying it. I was a little distant for the next couple days and then she started the conversation about how I had given up because of the house changes and the FF (she said it doesn't matter about her, but kept coming back to it so it did matter). That's when the whole D thing came out and I said "fine then let's get the details out of the way". Then I went back to friendly. We went out a couple times and had a nice time. We interacted in a friendly manner, but I asked for a hug and didn't get one. She called and said sorry and I stupidly asked where she was at with us. Still "I love you but not in love with you". Which brings us to the present. I went off to the swim meet and while I was away she read my thread and I think it was all percieved as pressure by her and that I was holding out hope for something that would never happen. At least not in her present state of mind. She said she contacted a divorce attorney, etc. All I could think to do was say "I love you, but I only want what will make you happy. So I let you go and won't hang on anymore".

It's hard not to give too much attention and too little. My take is I need to be her friend first and foremost which won't be hard except we don't have any interactions that I don't initiate. Not unless I stay away for awhile. No, the flowers etc won't work. I went to her office one day and she reacted in a very uncomfortable fashion. She responds uncomfortably to compliments. I'm really at an impass regarding what to do. I know she'll read my thread again. She'll hold off for awhile but then she'll do it. That's why I have to leave that name behind and hope she doesn't find me. I can't pour my heart out and not be percieved as pursuing. I don't think we can comfortably be friends until she doesn't feel any pressure.

So what do you think? Any suggestions? I went to brunch with her and it didn't go over too badly. Maybe just a few informal dates that aren't real dates? I don't know. If I was asked in February if I was getting divorced I would say no way. Now I don't know. Thanks for finding me Sage.

Hope...