H returned home from bowling with S9 and S5 at around 4:30pm. The boys told me how much fun they had. I could see on H's face that something had happened. When the boys left to go play, H said, "I told them." I knew something was wrong, but I didn't think it would be that! I think H knew I was surprised and said, "You wanted me to tell them, right? That's what I did." I said, "So you've decided then?" H said no, that he told them he MIGHT move out but it wasn't for sure yet. He said he didn't give them details (thank god! they are only 9 and 5!), he just told them that sometimes adults can't live together anymore. He told them not to worry, that everything would be ok. H said S5 took it alright, but S9 started to cry because he was afraid he wasn't going to see Dad anymore. H reassured S9 that wouldn't happen.
(SIIIIIIIIGH).....I can't even describe just how ANGRY I was! Why did he do that? Why have that talk with your 9 and 5 year old sons when you don't even plan on moving out yet?! Why give them something like that to worry about? I was biting my tongue as hard as I could. I calmly asked, "If you weren't sure about what you were going to do, why did you do tell them all that?" H said, "I thought that's what you wanted me to do?!" I told him not if he hadn't made a choice about what he was doing. H said he thought he was doing the right thing. I felt like calling him every name in the book. All I can think of now is my S crying and worrying about not seeing his dad.
A couple of hours passed, H came to me and said he was sorry. He thought that's what I wanted him to do. I said it was but only if he did decide to leave. H started talking about all the pressure he's feeling, so this is where I suggest we take a break from everything (thank you, Sage). I apologized for putting so much pressure on him. I told him I understand he has so much on his mind and is going through so many emotions, and with me adding to it, it hasn't helped anything. I said I was sorry again, and let's just drop all the R talks for now and stop worrying about the future. I said let's just give it a very much needed rest. H was silent for a few minutes then said ok.
That was a couple of hours ago, and we've been talking as friends. H is at the gym now and should be home soon.
That's all for now. Thanks for listening, everyone.
Valerie
"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination." ~ author unknown
