When will H's indecision end?

[ValerieA]

Hi, Sage. Thanks for stopping by my thread. I truly appreciate it along with your help and concern. I've gone back to look at your sitch then and now, and I applaud you. You are a true inspiration, and I hope someday I may find myself to be where you are.

My best possible answers to your questions:

1. I'm really not sure, but if I had to guess, I think it would be to have the time he feels he needs to really think about what he wants.

2. "in-house" separation - I even asked H today if this was something he wanted when he made the remark of things being "convenient" when he's here. I asked, "Do you want to separate but live in the same house?" H said no. I'm not even sure how to go about doing that. More of an explanation please?

3. The pressure, I would have to admit, is coming from me. When I first started DBing, I wasn't putting any on him other than demanding that all contact with OW had to stop. But the more he has been going back and forth with his uncertainties, the more impatient I have become. I would like to try and do nothing right now. I don't initiate R talks at all, and I don't bring up OW. The last time I did was to ask about the unexplained calls to her, and I haven't brought her up since. Before that, it had been quite a while. Things just seem to fall apart when H wants to begin R talks. I try to avoid them, but he keeps pushing them.

4. Yes, if H leaves, I don't see us getting back together, and that will based on my decision. I can't explain it. I just know that's my choice.

5. "wondering if I can forgive him and move on" - I have forgiven him. I've told him this about 4 or 5 times now in the past few weeks. I am so ready to move on and put all of this behind us. I want to move forward, but I think he can't. I think H is unable to forgive himself right now. What, if anything, can I do to help him? When H tells me how sorry he is, I tell him I understand and it's going to be alright now. What else can I say or do?..."GAL in the house" - I will have to focus more on this. I've been GAL outside the house, but I guess I never thought about doing it in the house. Thank you, and I will try..."H's feelings of possible payback" - I would never do this, but my H may possibly be having those kinds of feelings due to my going out with my single friends. Before the A, I never went out unless it was with H. I didn't have a social life without him. Now that I'm starting to, maybe this is a threat to him.

6. I get what you're saying. I have thought about just doing it, but I'm hesitant because I get turned down whenever I initiate intimacy or playing around. I can remember acting on his overtures a couple of times in the past, I tried taking him up on them, but H would say, "I was just kidding" or "I didn't mean now." I will try to overcome my fear of more possible rejection and try to take him up on this if he puts it out there again.

7. Yes, I could live with that. After thinking about our last few convos, I definitely could live with that. So let's say we decide to put everything on hold right now. H agrees to it, but a few days later, he changes his mind again. This is my dilemma. The going back and forth again and again and again. How do we deal with this?

You are absolutely right about forcing a decision. I don't want it to be the wrong one, but I'm just afraid that the wrong decision for me will be right for H, and vice versa. I've been sitting here for an hour or so just thinking, and I know that I'm not "ready" for any decision to be made, and I don't think H is either. I'm going to try question #7 with H when he returns later. He took S9 and S5 bowling after school. I won't do it immediately, but soon. Before he makes a "hurried" decision to leave.

Thank you so much, Sage. You opened my eyes a lot wider today.