When will H's indecision end?

[sage]

Hi...

Just some questions that popped into my head while reading your last post...

1. what do you think your h is hoping to "gain" by a separation?

2. Is the answer to #1 something he could get by having an "in house" separation?

3. Where do you think your h is getting the feeling of pressure to make a decision now? Would it be possible to just convey to him that not doing anything "right now" is perfectly possible and OK?

4. It seems as though you've told him that S = D for you. I remember feeling the same way myself early in my sitch...just the general feeling that if he moved out, I would move on. Are you really committed to that, though? Just wondering.

5. One thing I've noticed in your sitch is that h seems really reactive to wondering if you can forgive him and move on...also, that he's been interpreting your "GAL" as a rejection of him...have you doing more "home based" GAL stuff? IOW, you can certainly "GAL" by taking up a new craft or learning something new or doing 180s in the house. I think that one thing my h really struggled with after I found out about his A was the thought that I might have carte blanche for payback....do you think your h might be feeling something similar?

6. Finally, while I can totally understand you not finding h's "overtures" funny...have you considered just going for it? Lots of dissenting opinions on the board in this regard I'm sure but and other "date like" activities made our limbo time much more pleasant. Even when we had no idea what tomorrow held, we knew that tonight involved positive interactions.

7. OK, really finally now... could you live with saying to h "look, let's stop the R talks for a while and just take a break and enjoy each other's company. I need a break from dissecting the R and the future. Let's call a moratorium on this for now. You don't have to decide, I don't have to decide. Let's just do nothing for a bit". Even better...don't say it in "words" but say it in "action". Take the pressure off of both of you to "commit" and just do some fun things...take a walk or a hike, go to a movie, watch a riotously funny movie, whatever.

I'm not trying to minimize (at all) what you're going thru or how hellish "limbo" can be but forcing a decision before you guys are "ready" could really have a negative long lasting consequence, no?

Sage