When will H's indecision end?

[ValerieA]

...His biggest fear right now is that you will never forgive him and you can never be happy with him...

Ok. Thank you, Ellie, but how can I "ease" this fear or make it go away? I have forgiven him, and I've told him that a few times already. I have told him that I love everything in our life together, but there is no happiness in it for me if he's not there. I told him during one R talk that he made all the right decisions but for all the wrong reasons. He made decisions to make me happy, but never himself. He always sacrificed himself for the sake of my happiness. So how do I sacrifice myself for his happiness? He doesn't even know what it will take for him to be happy. He says he never has known. It's always made him feel good to do for me. I want him to be happy, too, and I've told him that numerous times! I'm literally at the point of telling him to go so that he will be happy and free of having to worry about me and my happiness.

I'm not deliberately trying to push him away. I'm trying to GAL to be prepared if and when he does leave. There are times when I sense H's insecurity about me doing something without him, and he takes action to get me to change my plans, so then he gets his reassurance, but then backs off. When I've changed my plans to be with him instead of my friends, we could be sitting or laying together and when I initiate closeness, I usually get, "My stomach hurts", "I'm trying to get comfortable, please, and that's not helping", or "I'm really tired, ok? Good night." I think this is the selfishness he talks about. "She's going out?! Uh oh! Let me get her to stay with me. . . .Ok, good! She's here. I feel better. I'm not worried now." I initiate intimacy, and I get nothing! I need kissing, I need touching, I NEED SEX!!! When H initiates it, I am more than willing! Loooong ago, H used to complain that I wasn't giving him enough so I gave him much more as he asked. Now, I'm the one complaining! I've told him I want more, and he said I could have it whenever I want, but EVERYTIME I start it, I get turned down! I just don't understand it. Is it because of the guilt? Sex has always been so hot for us. We enjoy it immensely! Even after the A, it has still been thrilling. But I want more, and I'm not getting it.

I already know that if H wants to go out tonight, I will go with him. If he can't, then I may still want to go out with my friend and he will know this because I'll tell him. I know he doesn't want me to go out without him. So what am I supposed to do? Stay home so he can be reassured again and continue to have me on hold? Or go out and possibly push him further away even though that is not my intent?