I am trying so hard not to get discouraged. Whenever I start to I look back at how much progress we have made. My H says that he is happy that we have been getting along. He will say words of encouragement and then the same day say something that makes my heart sink. I know he is confused but it is still so hard. We will talk about the future and the possibilities and then he will make a comment like "we need to first figure out if we want to still be married." This was in regards to our lease we just signed for 1 year. We were talking about possibly building or buying a house after that trial period is over. This should be enough time to figure things out or to prove to him that the changes I have made are here to stay.
I know that he is trying but I just wish I knew what was going on inside his head. Last night I was asking about furniture arrangements and he said "I don't care. I am more concerned about the people in each room and what they are doing." I asked what that meant and he said "how we are getting along." This is kind of weird because he has always had a definite opinion about decorating.
Who knows! I shouldn't be trying to analyze everything to death but I just can't help it. I am trying not to let on that I am thinking so much about it, but my mind runs wild with thoughts.
Well that's it for now. At least he is over the whole guilt thing and is wanting to ML and for me to touch him. I have backed off a bit and he has come to me. At least that part of our R has been good and very frequent. Could that really have that much of a trickle down effect into the rest of the R?
