Quote: My H's is soo deep rooted that he is questioning whether he is still "in love" with me. Have you felt this way about your W?
I have never questioned my love for my wife. But, I have questioned at times if I would be around when the kids have grown if things don't improve.
You know, sometimes what can happen, especially if you have no one to vent to, is you start to talk to yourself alot. Then you start to validate your own emotions to yourself. Then the more you validate yourself, the bigger things get and you start to convince yourself of things that are bigger than life itself and your thinking gets very clouded. It's a very viscous mindset you can get yourself into.
At 29 with a one year old and the responsibilities that go with it can be stressful.
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He says that ML will not help the other issues? Should I believe this? I just talked to him and he has so much built up anger and frustration.
Yeah I can believe this. When a couple is first dating, there is no history of things to cause resentment. The romance is hot and exciting, so the sex is hot and exciting. As the years build on, and real life sets in....jobs, kids, bills, activities apart from each other, in-laws etc, the little things start building. I don't believe that any 2 people are perfectly compatible.
ML is intimate and all, but life's issues are still there when the sex is over.
In other words, I feel that the lack of sex is a symptom sometimes and not the root cause.
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his complaints are more along the lines of not listening closely enough, talking too much about D, not enough about him
Those are valid complaints if they are true. Not valid enough by themselves to divorce over unless he is not fully devulging everything.
That might be why the line "I love you but not in love" is indicative of something else.
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being too nice
When I ask him what he wants from me he only says "tell me to F off and then I wouldn't be the bad guy"
He also says he doesn't know why I am still around.
This is very interesting. The bad guy about what??? Those are pretty loaded statements. What does he feel guilty about?
It could be too, he doesn't feel he is adequate enough as a husband and new father. Are there any other problems, such as work, financial?
EDIT: If he swears no OW, then I wouldn't under estimate the burden of being a new father.
Have you told him about the books your reading and the work you are trying to do to fix things? If so, how has he responded?
Is he open to seeing a counselor with you to help you 2 solve these issues?
