"more initiating, active participation, variety, wanting to feel desired- I am sure you get the picture."
I get the picture. Men like me like to be pursued at times as well.
"To tell you the truth it just wasn't at the top of my priority list"
I don't expect my wife to not have a life and interests and to kiss my feet all the time, but it would be nice if she would put me in front of the kids, extended family, girl scouts (she's a troop leader) etc every once in a while. I know what it's like with a 1 year old, we have a 2 year old and a 10 year old with Apsergers Syndrome. Yes it is stressful. But I see my wife making time for everyone and everything, then maybe me if there's something left.
"This is the one thing that he tried to talk to me about in the past but didn't communicate quite so clearly or I was not wanting to hear what he was saying."
Not everyone is as eloquent with communication skills as others. I know I'm not. Sometimes it's both, one not cleary communicating and the other not listening either. That really makes it a problem..haha. That's what counselors are supposed to help with.
Your husband sounds a lot like me right now. All these things tend to build resentment. And if he is a sensitive type emotionally, resentment can cut deep.
"How is it too much all of a sudden?"
If he's been feeling this for a couple of years, it's not all of a sudden to him. It's all of a suddent to you, but it's been festering in him for a while. And if he's not good at communicating his feelings, that's why it feels "all of a sudden" to you.
I'm sorry I'm not too helpful with advice, but I hope this can give you some insight to what might in his head right now. I'm not saying his point of view is constructive right now, but that might be the place he's in right now.
