C, You sound very much like my H. He would gladly shoot a varmint, if said varmint was harming our property, but he wouldn't like it or 'relish' it, like some men do. He says he tried hunting once, and hit his target. Once he got close enough to see the poor creature that was it--no more hunting for him. He likes animals too much.
Interestingly enough, he is a great shot and was a sniper in the USMC. So he is talented enough to have been in an assassin platoon but too kindhearted to use that skill on a defenseless animal. He realizes the need for hunting, but prefers to leave that to other folks who have the stomach for it. However, he would kill in an instant if anyone ever threatened our family, I know that for sure.
My H is a strange bird. He is sure of who he is and doesn't feel the need to do things to 'fit in' or be more like his peers. He sticks to his convictions and truly doesn't care what others think of him. But when it comes to sexual confidence, all that goes out the window. He's a stuttering, bashful adolescent, only without the raging hormones, lol.
He has started doing this thing lately where he pretends to ravish me while giving me a peck. The first couple times I laughed. Then I realized that I really WOULD like it if he did that once in a while and that I didn't find it all that funny, though I was going along with the joke. So the next time he did it I replied: You are joking, but I would like it, if it were for real. He cringed and his expression was.....I don't know....I can't describe it. Sortof a mixture of "I wish I could do that for you" and "damn it, why am I making light of her needs" kinda face. The next time he did it, I made no reply at all. He had a milder version of The Face this time.
He knows what I want but does not feel confident or "manly" enough to pull it off, despite the fact that he is manly in the rest of his life. I don't know if I am doing the right thing but I can't go along with the joke, knowing that it's not really a joke to me. Otherwise my own resentment will start to build. Since I struggle with that, I have to keep on top of it.
Anyway, I find this split in his personality to be an odd one.
HP, Your H must be sure of himself to be a non conformist and a USMC vet. I too am a nonconformist, and W has said that is what initially attracted her to me. She is the black sheep of her family, ie no make up, not a fasion hound, etc. I liked that about her, because she wasn't afraid to be who she was. BUT NOW, she actually bought LEG WAX the other day! Wasssup with that?
Any way, your H & I seem to share some common traits. Even the SC issue. Any abuse in his past?
Yes he is a nonconformist and a few months back I was griping about this to his sister, who gently reminded me "But that's what you liked about him..." and I thought, Yes that's right! I DO like this about him! Sometimes I need a kick in the pants, ya know.
There is no abuse in his past. His father was physically abusive but no SA. He did come from a ridiculously restrictive religious ratmosphere (ok, atmosphere, but I had such GOOD alliteration going) in which his mother forced him into a seminary at age 14. He lasted a couple yrs and then begged to go to a co-ed high school. His parents consented but I think he felt his passive aggressive mother's deep disappointment for many years to come, even after we were engaged as a matter of fact. She never gave up the dream that he would become a priest and refused to meet me for the longest time. Finally we were set to be engaged and I called her up and told her, I'd sure like to meet you before we get engaged...
So these things play into his sex drive, I'm sure. Plus, I think he feels a lesser physical need for it than many men do. He is fine to ML about every 3 days but can easily go weeks with minimal frustration.
"qoe100" I think with women, you can "never" stop wooing us. If you want us to be your "love slave", never stop wooing us. This is a biggie, IMHO. For women, making love never ends. It's all that you do before and after the "event" that's important to us.
If I have to take care of you, remind you of things, pick up after you, etc. I feel like your mom. As your mom, it feels creepy to have sex with you and it makes me really resentful. I don't mind doing these things occasionally (if you're sick, etc) but if you make me feel like your mom, conscience, etc., don't expect me to swoon at your feet.
My top 10 list in order of importance: 1. Honest 2. Loyal 3. Funny 4. Romantic 5. Intelligent 6. Reliable 7. Financially Stable 8. Fair 9. Supportive 10 Attractive
spitfire57 1. faithfullness 2.someone who respects their independence 3. intellegence 4. physical attractiveness 5. intamacy skills (how's that for political correctness?
Musicgirl Be the way a man is supposed to be. I love this thought and am willing to take a little heat if necessary...but to take Quoe's thought a step further...in that we want someone strong and protective....it means we want someone who we can lean on if we need to. Yeah, we're all strong and independent women, but for me personally, I want a man who is a little bit stronger. Who isn't going to buckle. Who isn't afraid to stand up to me should I challenge him or stand up for me should the need present. Never be stronger in a hurtful way. Should I get frustrated, I'd like a man who can be strong enough to take me in his arms and say "it's ok"...not ask "is it this time of month"? Let's face it, no matter what the social climate in our culture has become, the physiology between the sexes has not changed. When a man is a man, a woman can be a woman. Treat us tenderly, strive to understand. A good woman won't want to walk all over you.
Love us and accept us for the strength, beauty and grace we possess not a pop culture ideal. We will bloom with more beauty than any centerfold.
copied from Surviving the Big D forum, Dating for Dummies
