C, You sound very much like my H. He would gladly shoot a varmint, if said varmint was harming our property, but he wouldn't like it or 'relish' it, like some men do. He says he tried hunting once, and hit his target. Once he got close enough to see the poor creature that was it--no more hunting for him. He likes animals too much.
Interestingly enough, he is a great shot and was a sniper in the USMC. So he is talented enough to have been in an assassin platoon but too kindhearted to use that skill on a defenseless animal. He realizes the need for hunting, but prefers to leave that to other folks who have the stomach for it. However, he would kill in an instant if anyone ever threatened our family, I know that for sure.
My H is a strange bird. He is sure of who he is and doesn't feel the need to do things to 'fit in' or be more like his peers. He sticks to his convictions and truly doesn't care what others think of him. But when it comes to sexual confidence, all that goes out the window. He's a stuttering, bashful adolescent, only without the raging hormones, lol.
He has started doing this thing lately where he pretends to ravish me while giving me a peck. The first couple times I laughed. Then I realized that I really WOULD like it if he did that once in a while and that I didn't find it all that funny, though I was going along with the joke. So the next time he did it I replied: You are joking, but I would like it, if it were for real. He cringed and his expression was.....I don't know....I can't describe it. Sortof a mixture of "I wish I could do that for you" and "damn it, why am I making light of her needs" kinda face. The next time he did it, I made no reply at all. He had a milder version of The Face this time.
He knows what I want but does not feel confident or "manly" enough to pull it off, despite the fact that he is manly in the rest of his life. I don't know if I am doing the right thing but I can't go along with the joke, knowing that it's not really a joke to me. Otherwise my own resentment will start to build. Since I struggle with that, I have to keep on top of it.
Anyway, I find this split in his personality to be an odd one.
