Wow... I've been reading a lot about Asberger's syndrome. People with this condition used to be lumped in with people with autism, didn't they? Until Asberger carved out a more precise definition? Is it my correct understanding that one of the characteristics of this condition is the need to observe other people closely and "copy" their behavior in social situations? Your example of going to the bar is a good one... observe how people open the conversation, how they reply, make eye contact, etc. This kind of throws a different light on your bar experience.
When I was a kid, my parents never had anyone over, they had no friends, never entertained, never had birthday parties for me, etc. As I got older, I really started to notice my complete social ineptitude. So when I was in high school, I started observing the other girls (I went to a Catholic girls' high school) and seeing how they acted. I started to imitate them... stuff that you think ought to come naturally, but actually you have to learn it somewhere. I picked out one girl on the bus as my subject, and I made a point of talking to her, complimenting her (if I could honestly find something to compliment), making eye contact (who knew you were supposed to do that?). It felt really neat when she started to open up to me and like me. I didn't fake anything; I just pushed myself beyond my comfort zone.
When I was a junior, we moved yet again and I was the new kid in another Catholic girls' high school 1,000 miles from the previous one. But now I had my new skills to practice. It was miraculous. The following year, I was elected Senior Class President. And even better, a handful of those "girls" are still my friends to this day, 40 years later (in fact, I exchanged emails with one of them today).
Sometimes (but less and less), I still feel like I'm acting out a foreign language when I go into a social situation and have to introduce myself and my companion, and shake hands, etc. I have a shelf full of etiquette books that I've read many times to make sure I don't embarrass myself too much.
