Quote: I am scared what will happen if she does it again and I think this is an unnessessary stress on our relationship when we are only just getting it together - so I have no idea how to bring up this subject gently, without offending him.
Why not write a note to H saying just this very thing?
I have seen some posts but can't remember Ellie's sitch - there are so many people on here it is sometimes difficult to remember all of them.
Today has been really weird, I've been walking round smiling thinking 'Yes! He said ILY and bought me a present!' and then on the other hand I have spontaneously burst into tears twice, thinking, 'OMG, why does she have to be their grandmother?'
I'm just sick of her, basically, and I think that with every R there comes a point where you have to admit you CAN'T make it work.
I tried with my mother for 11 years, by trying to discuss things rationally, by shouting to get my voice heard, by not telling her stuff about my life. (I found when she didn't know what my going on in my life and it was very superficial, we could get on enough to have a vague friendship). I tried defending H, I tried not defending H, I tried counselling techniques, I tried cutting her off for a bit and ot answering her calls (later found out this is DB'ing, didn't know at the time). I tried getting H to talk to her, I tried appealing to her husband, I tried to get her to be impressed by my work so she would like me (bad move - she's never read any of my books and told me I shouldn't be working when I've got babies as that's 'neglect').
I didn't hear from her for 10 months and then she invited me over on 28th Dec 03 and I went there, like a fool, and she screamed at me about why did I have 4 children and they'd be better off dead than with me or H. I even forgave her for that as I was about to walk out but she started crying and begged me to stay so I stayed.
A couple of weeks later I found out she'd written that letter to the court (retaliation for the row we'd had) and I just ran out of will to try anymore. I mean, what can you do with a person like that? Most people have nice attributes you can link into and at least try to get on a similar wavelength with.
I am completely stumped with her and don't even want to understand her anymore and I think she is detrimental to all of us, especially the kids as she can start on the next generation now.
Jo. Ellie is a doctor about mid 40's but not working for a while. She had some thyroid problems that caused her work and marrital relationships to suffer. Her H was about to call it quits. He had an OW.
Ellie got her thyroid problem under control, got her H to see what he would miss if he left. She did what you were doing when you started DB'ing. Ellie also had to deal with kid problems. I might be a little off on some of my information and hope she will post a link to one of her summaries.
Sometimes I read Ellies post to others for inspiration when I feel what I am doing is not working. She seem to have some insight that applies to many people's situations. One thing she told her H when he was moving out was for him to take the bed they had slept in, she could not think of being in it alone or with someone else. You would have to read the post. I did not do it justice.
Jo, the refrigerator story was over the top. I never imagined anyone would take a refrigerator and it's contents. In my town there are several in the stores people donate their old things. GoodWill, Hospital Charity Store, and Street People Rescue Mission stores. They have lots of clothing, older but usable small appliences, Tumble Dryers (how is my British?), cloth washers, refrigerators, and all kinds of servicable but out of style used furniture. I can see a spouse taking a TV/telly but not a frig.
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I am completely stumped with her and don't even want to understand her anymore and I think she is detrimental to all of us, especially the kids as she can start on the next generation now.
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About your kids and H wanting to take them to see your mother, I think you know best and I would trust your instincts on that one. Maybe your H's boundaries are too lose, He is too easy going. The written guidelined about what you want or don't want to happen while H and kids visit GM sounded like a good idea.
I posted a general view Montana web site so I can show you a little about what MT looks like but still be a little anonymous. I was not looking for any web cams that included anything directly identifiable to you or anything you were involved in. I think most people have mental pictures of people they post to on the internet. I just wanted you to have a sample of what my world looked like.
He did take the fridge because he didn't have one, and the TV/ Stereo, half the furniture etc.
I wasn't working or getting his wages and I was waiting for welfare to come through so I couldn't afford second-hand either and he wouldn't pay up for a second-hand one then as he said our one was his so why should he pay.
A man was blissfully driving along the highway, when he saw the Easter Bunny hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the Bunny, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of his car and was hit. The basket of eggs went flying all over the place.
The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road, and got out to see what had become of the Bunny carrying the basket. Much to his dismay, the colorful Bunny was dead. The driver felt guilty and began to cry.
A woman driving down the same highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong.
"I feel terrible," he explained, "I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny and killed it. There may not be an Easter because of me. What should I do?"
The woman told the man not to worry. She knew exactly what to do. She went to her car trunk, and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead Bunny, and sprayed the entire contents of the can onto the little furry animal. Miraculously the Easter Bunny came back to life, jumped up, picked up the spilled eggs and candy, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped on down the road. 50 yards away the Easter Bunny stopped, turned around, waved and hopped on down the road another 50 yards, turned, waved, hopped another 50 yards and waved again!
The man was astonished. He said to the woman, "What in heaven's name is in your spray can? What was it that you sprayed on the Easter Bunny?"
The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label. It said: "Hair spray. Restores life to dead hair. Adds permanent wave."
