Yes I think my H's decision to re-instigate contact is the wrong one and I have been alternating between acceptance and feeling really sad and scared. In the last few hours I have burst into tears twice.
I couldn't say how much I disagree with it yesterday because he'd just said ILY and I was on such a high I didn't want to spoil that or set it back again. You know, he says ILY and we have a row, there was no way I was going to have a row with him then.
It's been sinking in a bit more today and I tried to speak to him on the phone about it but he's visiting friends so he didn't answer.
I marvel at his capacity to forgive, especially with what she accused him of and the negative impact it had on our M. He says it will be different this time but I've heard that before and we've had 11 years of giving her 'just one more chance'.
He says this is her last chance, but the last 2 incidents he said were her 'last chance' so I don't particularly believe that.
He says he wants the girls to have a relationship with her, but given what she's like, I wonder why, as she will only behave like she did with her own daughters (she threw my sister out of home as well, 2 years before she threw me out).
He says it will be different with our dd's because they don't live with her like I did, but most of the stuff she did was AFTER I moved out, in response to me having my own life and her not being able to control me anymore, so the fact that they live with him isn't going to make any difference.
I keep thinking there's only so many times you can be reported to CPS for 'child abuse' before they start investigating you or take your kids away altogether and I wouldn't put it passed her to try it again.
She has been insinuating to me and to CPS since 1996 that there were 'neglect' issues and she made allegations to me and CPS and the family court that H was sexually assaulting the kids (starting from 2001 when my then 2 yr old had thrush and she accused H of 'messing' with her, hence that's why she was a bit red in the vaginal area).
Most grandmother's wouldn't even THINK of that, never mind say it, and anyone who knows my H, well he's as soft as a kitten to the kids, he's stricter than me but he'd never hurt any of them.
Of course I know it's because she had the same thing done to her when she was 5 (so she said) but nevertheless, I think it takes someone pretty disturbed to make that kind of a connection in a situation where there is obviously no abuse.
I am scared what will happen if she does it again and I think this is an unnessessary stress on our relationship when we are only just getting it together - so I have no idea how to bring up this subject gently, without offending him.
Pretty much, I am stuck over it and have a headache.
