My friend is exceptional yes. I met her after H stole my fridge and all my food and I was in mum's and toddler group with dd3, crying about how he'd taken everything and she came up to me and we spent ages talking and then she went to town and bought me loads of packet food and our friendship just flourished from then on.
I couldn't afford to replace the fridge and I had this butter I was still using which then gave me food poisoning and I collapsed after 5 hours vomiting.
H came round and took me to the hospital and they had to give me 4 bags of saline to re-hydrate me and the baby had to go on a foetal heart monitor (I was 7 months pregnant).
H was so guilty he stayed with me for 4 hours while they were putting drips into me and held my hand etc and told me not to look at the needles.
He put the fridge back after that and never did it again.
But that is how my friend became the best female friend I've ever had.
She hates H personally because she's seen what he's put me through but she is still supportive of us reuniting as she says that it's obvious we still love each other and it's what I want so she wants it too regardless of her disliking of him.
Re my childhood, H's was as bad and he HATES talking about it so I don't suppose discussing it with him is a good idea.
I thought when I met him and had the kids I had everything I wanted anyway. A lovely H, gorgeous kids, my own business, my books. (I decided at age 7 I wanted to write books so I did). I had more happiness in my M than I'd ever had in my whole life.
The only blip was the D, but as you can see, I am working on that, they are still mine and he said ILY
Any advice on how to keep W and drug user GF apart and DB at the same time? W saw me as too controlling during our M, so I have done several 180's in this area. I know I can't just tell her to stay away from her.
I am going to be positive about her going to NA and AA meetings because they teach you to change people, places and things.
Jo - just want to say that it sounds like you've made the right decision to stay away from your mother, and I cannot imagine what your H is thinking in wanting the kids to see her. Doesn't he realize how dangerous she is to him, personally, with her accusations of child molestation?
Yes I think my H's decision to re-instigate contact is the wrong one and I have been alternating between acceptance and feeling really sad and scared. In the last few hours I have burst into tears twice.
I couldn't say how much I disagree with it yesterday because he'd just said ILY and I was on such a high I didn't want to spoil that or set it back again. You know, he says ILY and we have a row, there was no way I was going to have a row with him then.
It's been sinking in a bit more today and I tried to speak to him on the phone about it but he's visiting friends so he didn't answer.
I marvel at his capacity to forgive, especially with what she accused him of and the negative impact it had on our M. He says it will be different this time but I've heard that before and we've had 11 years of giving her 'just one more chance'.
He says this is her last chance, but the last 2 incidents he said were her 'last chance' so I don't particularly believe that.
He says he wants the girls to have a relationship with her, but given what she's like, I wonder why, as she will only behave like she did with her own daughters (she threw my sister out of home as well, 2 years before she threw me out).
He says it will be different with our dd's because they don't live with her like I did, but most of the stuff she did was AFTER I moved out, in response to me having my own life and her not being able to control me anymore, so the fact that they live with him isn't going to make any difference.
I keep thinking there's only so many times you can be reported to CPS for 'child abuse' before they start investigating you or take your kids away altogether and I wouldn't put it passed her to try it again.
She has been insinuating to me and to CPS since 1996 that there were 'neglect' issues and she made allegations to me and CPS and the family court that H was sexually assaulting the kids (starting from 2001 when my then 2 yr old had thrush and she accused H of 'messing' with her, hence that's why she was a bit red in the vaginal area).
Most grandmother's wouldn't even THINK of that, never mind say it, and anyone who knows my H, well he's as soft as a kitten to the kids, he's stricter than me but he'd never hurt any of them.
Of course I know it's because she had the same thing done to her when she was 5 (so she said) but nevertheless, I think it takes someone pretty disturbed to make that kind of a connection in a situation where there is obviously no abuse.
I am scared what will happen if she does it again and I think this is an unnessessary stress on our relationship when we are only just getting it together - so I have no idea how to bring up this subject gently, without offending him.
Pretty much, I am stuck over it and have a headache.
