Jo wrote ----------- If she starts doing more things for herself her self-esteem might rise and you'd find these depression symptoms and lack of intimacy in the M may get better. PS: Sorry, I'll take my therapist's hat off now -------------- Jo. I lumped several years of W's behaviors into one post. I should have given more history. You can put on your therapist hat anytime.
W did start talking to most of her relatives about 6/9 months ago. She occassionaly goes out with her former work friends. I agree, low selfesteem. And the "you are controlling" statement surface when I try to get her to do some things because I see she is depressed or just needs to get out of the house and be with women her age so she can have some girl fun.
--------- she thinks that you will understand her needs without her saying anything ('if he loved me he would know what I want') so she endevours to stress her needs through indirect manipulation or hints and if you don't get it the first time, she will punish you by arguments or withdrawal of intimacy. ----------- I read and decided a couple of months age, somethinng had to change. If I let W continue to treat me (and her) poorly and not do anything about it, I was just as guilty as she for allowing the poor behavior to continue. Guilty by inaction.
---------- treating her rather than bossing her around. --------- Good idea. W sees it as me trying to fix her. I will have to practice acting like it's a treat. I have been "Mr Fix-it" for so long, it's difficult for W to see me anyother way.
Typical problem in relationships=H does something to cheer W up, W sees it as manipulation ot "fixing". W does something she thinkd H will enjoy, H thinks "what this going to cost me". Also W thinks she is not appreciated so she buys herself gifts.
Both of us are getting away from this. More giving and no expectations.
The kitty meowed on thursday and sunday. 