The word 'DEPRESSION' screams out at me the more I hear about your W. I think she suffers with depression.
The complusive shopping is a symptom of depression (I know because I did it myself and am usually in the overdraft 3 weeks out of every 4, paying off all the people that need paying off - I have more of a handle on it now but it limits the number of times per week I can go out. The year I didn't see H I spent about �4,000). This was purely depression as buying things helped to ease my pain but I wish I hadn't as now it just causes financial worry. I will get by, but can't have much social life for a few months.
Secondly, with her going into the bedroom and staying there when you have friends round - well, that is classic dysfunctional behaviour and I'm talking here from my training in dysfunctional family therapy.
She has low to non-existent self-esteem which causes her to be shy/embarrassed in social situations and cut herself off from the world, and means that she is just making herself more depressed by not participating in social events which would raise her self-esteem. This makes her feel bad about herself so she tries to get all her emotional support from one person - you.
Because she has got into a pattern of not communicating with people and a cycle of just relying on you, she thinks that you will understand her needs without her saying anything ('if he loved me he would know what I want') so she endevours to stress her needs through indirect manipulation or hints and if you don't get it the first time, she will punish you by arguments or withdrawal of intimacy.
Classic behaviour.
First, I would continue to invite her friends round and maybe have a time when you invite yours (you are alowed to have friends). If she stays in the bedroom, ignore this, and carry on inviting them. Maybe ask her if she wants a drink while they are there. Keep doing this until eventually the ice may start to melt a bit and she might start joining in.
If she's talking to her relatives, invite them over as well. Pay for her to go to a class or a spa. Don't ask her what she wants as sufferer's of depression or dysfunction always say 'I don't know' or get stressed out by decisions, so YOU make the decision and just book her a class.
If she starts on about how you are controlling, just say you enrolled her as a present to her and you wanted to surprise her, make it as if you are treating her rather than bossing her around.
If she starts doing more things for herself her self-esteem might rise and you'd find these depression symptoms and lack of intimacy in the M may get better.
