Jo what a life you have had. It is so different than I ever imagined. I see that my suggestions would be difficult for you to do at this time and likely so for quite a while.
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I never wanted to save my parents M, I was so sick of the fighting I wanted it to end
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I have been in that situation a couple of times with SF and my mother fighting. When SF was gone, family life was so calm.
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she's as awful as that kid in 'OMEN'
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OUCH!
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She will probably die before I have forgiven her. Every time I think about it, I just can't, and I love people, I really do.
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Jo. I am sorry your family is so fragmented and you guys do not look out for each other. What a shame. I understand why you don't have connection to them.
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Anyway, sorry for being a bit morose. She has that affect on me.
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JO. Don't feel sorry about writing about your true feelings. I have experienced some of the same issues with my step father. My older brother rescued me form SF's anger so I had someone to look out for me. My sisters were distant but always pleasant to me.
I had 1 brother about 18 years older than me and 4 sisters 20 to 4 years older than me. My mother was almost 42 when I was born. I have your birth weight beat by a very large amount. O' and I was born late too.
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I've already told H our M wouldn't work with her in it, and he agrees.
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I can see why you felt so happy to be with your H for 8 years. He sounds like a good protector.
Yes people's perceptions can be different to reality. I thought 'inmyplace' on here was a woman the first time I spoke to him!
H was brillant to me, I would say probably 96% of the time. The other 4% when he wasn't so good, he really put me through the mill.
He proposed on an aeroplane. Guys listen up, if you get re-married to your spouses, propose on an aeroplane, it's so romantic!
We were on our way to Greece and the captain announced on the loudspeaker that H had something to ask Jo. Well, I looked round thinking 'he can't be talking about me! He must mean someone else.' But then my H took this diamond and ruby ring out of his pocket and asked me to be his W ! I just started crying and saying yes over and over again and then the captain said 'she said yes!' on his loudspeaker and all the passengers started cheering
We got free drinks from the air hostess and had another 2 weeks of sun, sea and sex in total paradise. We had a balcony overlooking the mountains...now that's romance!
The thing is, he kept up this kind of thing (and I tried to do the same in return) for as I said, 96% of the M, so you can see why I got depression so badly afterwards, I mean, who would want to give up that?
Of course he got really nasty afterwards (I think really nice personalities have really nasty flip-sides). And my family who I had always kept at arms length, moved in for the kill after he'd gone.
I kept forgiving all the time because they are family, but in the end she did something so bad that my forgiveness and willingness to try just ran out. None of the DB or conselling techniques I learnt had any effect on her and even my atty said 'if she was my mother I'd never speak to her again.'
I have evidence, if my kids ever want to know why they don't see her.
Luckiy they have a good R with H's mother, in fact, his family, despite his parents D, are quite close knit.
Good story Jo. Proposing on the airplane and all of the passengers cheering you on, WOW. And 96% is really good. I hope it returnd to fulltime in house xoxoxo.
--------- Luckiy they have a good R with H's mother. --------- I think kids want what they see other kids have.
Generally, when I write, I spend a lot of time editing, re-arranging, and have to look for words from the thesaurus to describe my thoughts more accuratly. Then there are my post that disapear-frustrating.
I am getting behind in my work so don't have much time to write all of the things on my mind. Much easier to read than write. I read what you post to others. You are a gem Jo.
Well today this guy who was a former client of mine (well technically a financial backer) rang me up and said I owe him £100.
Apparently it was from a business loan years ago and he asked H for the money, and wrote to him in January 04. I didn't get the business back till June 04 (had previously served H with court papers to kick him into giving me my business back).
Client ran into H at that demo I told you about, and said to him he hadn't done the business for 2 years (lie) - he didn't give it back until June so he lied to the client, who incidently was also a joint friend of ours since 1994.
I had to then explain the whole scenario to the client, apologising etc and blooming annoyed that H is lying yet again (one of his bad traits - the 4%, he doesn't tell the truth. Lies to get himself out of situations, changes stuff to suit his needs etc).
Anyway, my business is not breaking even, largely because of the separation/D and H having control of it for 2 yrs and then running it into the ground. I can pay him the £100 but now I have no money to do another print run, and the book sales are my income so I'm just stuck thinking OMG.
I've asked H to put the latest one on the web to increase sales and that might help, but boy am I pissed off as he caused all this is the first place!
We talked normally on the phone and arranged that he and the kids come over for the day on Bank holiday Monday (I'm seeing him Saturday as well) and I didn't let on that I am upset.
I just wish he could quit lying to people and show a bit more concern for my business. I paid him 4 days ago to put advertising on the web and he's done nothing yet..keeps saying he's busy with the kids. It's alright when you're on b***dy welfare but I don't want to have to work in a supermarket because this has happened!
Honestly, sometimes I feel like I'm the H, and I wouldn't mind so much if he was actually committed. Just now I feel like I'm the only one who cares about my work.
Drinking Bailey's and feeling miserable I have to snap out of it and be like an angel when he visits on Saturday, so help me out guys.
Well, I would but the poor guy has already been waiting like 3 years. My H took loan out with him to help me pay for the third print run of this book I wrote, of which £100 was remaining to pay back - then we split up, H took my business but failed to respond to requests for the money back. Since I didn't get the business back till last June I had no idea, so I can't exactly ask him to wait longer.
I have the money, but I was saving it for another print run. Print run = books and books = money so I am having to be inventive over what I will do.
That's only a small part of it, too, as he took out a £4,000 advertising contract also without my knowledge which he knew we couldn't afford (£300 is the most I have ever spent on one advertisement) so now of course I have possible legal action pending from that company, when I am only a little shoe string business!
As you can imagine, this is why I feel angry at H.
On the plus side, he contacted me today to ask how I am, so that made me feel a lot more cheery and I didn't get annoyed with him because he was being so nice.
This website designer also emailed me and told me he would help me set up a new site which was the answer to one of my prayers, at least.
Isn't it funny how God takes about 2 days to process applications!? (I only prayed about it a couple of nights ago so that cheered me up as well
I just gotta hurry up and finish writing next book and then my financial problems will be over!
I just read your reply to James L, so some of my post does not apply.
Jo wrote
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I can pay him the £100
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If it is true your H had the business when he borrowed the money from the friend, let your H pay it back. Tell H you can't because you don't have the money. Is there an asset/a thing, from the £100 loan you don't use and could give to H?
Jo. Sounds like typical guy stuff, they do not want to admit they fail sometimes. Sometimes they get mentally attacked if they do. Some guys mistakenly think they are supposed to be strong, know what they are doing, don't have to ask for help, are the captain of the ship and have to know everything so people respect them. Some guys take too many chances for their own good
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We talked normally on the phone and arranged that he and the kids come over for the day on Bank holiday Monday (I'm seeing him Saturday as well) and I didn't let on that I am upset.
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Some what good Jo. I would say that I am happy to see H but say what a prediciment you are in because of the £100 loan.
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Just now I feel like I'm the only one who cares about my work.
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Stress from not enough income.
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It's alright when you're on b***dy welfare
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How to speak Brittish
2. feeling miserable=normal ups and downs. This is why many of us return to this web site.
3. I have to snap out of it= work through some anger, vent here, meditation relaxing music, exercise. I think the "snap out of it" mentality is a flaw too many people wish would happen.
4. be like an angel when he visits on Saturday= too much pressure on you being an "angel." Pleasant most of the time is more practical.
When you are holding in resentment I think a little shows through. You send a double message like " I love you but I hate you" Jo, How do you react to people that have that type of behavior?
There is a little angel in all of us. Jo, I have seen your's. It does not have to be on call (working) all of the time.
Hi Lou I don't hate my H, I just get frustated with him sometimes because he makes daft financial choices - this was the 4% I told you about.
He's really romantic, he knows exactly how to treat a woman, what to say, what to do etc but he's fairly hopeless when it comes to money, although he has been getting better at it the last year or so.
He doesn't have much ambition professionally, which frustrates me and his ideal thing is being at home with our dd's.
When I was a home with our first child and did nothing else, I was so bored and unfulfilled that's why I set up the business. I brought in money from my own talent. I sometimes felt I was selling myself short, being a 'housewife' (no offence to housewife's, if it's what you want, great).
H on the other hand hated his office jobs because he said he didn't want to paper-push for someone and get paid only £12,000 a year for 50+ hours a week and then die of a heart attack at age 50. He is happier doing 'odd jobs' freelance and stopping with the kids.
It's crazy, really, when I look back at our M, I see that some of our problem was wanting to be in the opposite role. I think if he had been a 'househusband' and I had gone to the office, it would have solved some of our difficulties.
I love him a great deal, but that's just why sometimes I feel more like the H. He's VERY good with women, though, so maybe that's why.
It's alright when you're on b***dy welfare but I don't want to have to work in a supermarket because this has happened!
I have to snap out of it and be like an angel when he visits on Saturday, so help me out guys.