Lou, I never wanted to save my parents M, I was so sick of the fighting I wanted it to end, but I wasn't prepared for what happened to my sister after that (she went off the rails and ended up in foster care) so in some ways I have regrets.
I am passionate about M because I think if people make vows they shouldn't break them. If you want a get out clause you should just co-habit.
Also, my H made me happier in those 8 years than anybody had ever done in my life, so I knew if I just accepted it was over, what I would be throwing away. I meant for better or for worse (including the worse) and this is the worse.
I might be D, but not in my heart, and I don't think he feels D in his heart either.
I thought about going to visit my dad's grave in 02, but I was moving house after the separation and having a baby etc so it wasn't the right time, and I'm not sure where in Athens he is burried so I would have to contact the Greek Embassy etc.
The grave will have his photograph on, which is another thing that bothers me. All Greek graves have photos on them, so when you walk into the graveyard, there is a sea of faces looking at you. It used to bug me when I left incense at my grandmother's grave, so I can imagine how it would feel visiting my dad's.
I could not contact my brother and 3 sisters over there as I haven't had any contact since 1995, and they were angry that I wasn't there when he died. Plus one of those sisters I have never met, as she always refused to visit whenever there was any family get together (I am the spawn of the OW, to her). I understand why she feels like that, but it was out of my control. I wasn't even born then.
I had a letter and some photos of my new nephew Costas, in 1995, from one of my other sisters, but that's the last I heard from her.
My sister here, she is a clone of my mother and just as bad so she's sided with her and won't speak to me.
My baby brother is lovely, but he's in the RAF and gets moved around so I have no idea where he is, and would have to go through mother to find out. I'm not going to.
My mother...well, it was partly being a grandmother that made her the way she is...she's as awful as that kid in 'OMEN'.
The type of stuff she has done would make your skin crawl, and I know without a doubt my H and other kids would be here full time if it wasn't for that. I finally said good riddence xmas 03, and I've never looked back. I've already told H our M wouldn't work with her in it, and he agrees.
Although he has sent her some photos of the kids as I think he thought I was being a bit final, both he and I have no intention of re-initiating contact.
She is 61 this September. She will probably die before I have forgiven her. Every time I think about it, I just can't, and I love people, I really do. I think all people have good in them and no one should be judged, but really, she really went to new levels.
Anyway, sorry for being a bit morose. She has that affect on me.
