You know I just WISH I could get all that has happened and what REALLY happened straightened out in my head and then STOP thinking about it and trying to figure out did we ever have a real relationship? Was he doing the conflict avoiding and not telling me he was unhappy the whole time of the marriage?
May I play devil's advocate for a minute? What if any of your BB pals posted the above...what advice would you give them?
Here's what I'm thinking you would say...while you may think there is some relief in looking backward, the real value of what you've gone through and how far you've come is in looking forward.
We've talked before about how folks and life and the world is really shades of gray...not black and white. Did D love you? I am most sure that he did. Did he sometimes conflict avoid? No doubt. Does that erase what you DID have? No way.
What would it take for you to move on from this point?
Is this partly related to the bad feelings that are between you right now? Would it help you to apologize to D for your part in it (w/o expecting an apology in return)?
Are you open to working on forgiveness for you and for him knowing that it's not going to give you the black and white closure you are looking for?
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
