Chapter 2: Healing, a long ways to go yet

[psluke]

Good Morning Slowly,

I am pleased with the areas that I have made progress in.

I can look and see in just 3 months I have done a lot with the shelties and done things that the me of the past would have never done on her own. Met lots of new people with some potential friendships developing it seems.

Those things make me very happy it is this pain that doesn't seem to be going away that sort of drags at me. I am reminding myself that just because I can look at G and D and my other frind on the bb and they seem to have it all back together that each of us heal and process at our own speed and mine seems to be SLOWLY. Ok, couldn't resist the play there!

Have a great day and I am going to chose to as well!

[Pamila]

Dear Pam,

I just wanted to let you know that I too see great progress. Sometimes we miss our own baby steps, but since I haven't really been around since Novemember I can see your improvements more clearly.

Good for you in getting out there and doing the things you like to do.

It took me a while to catch on to the idea that I really needed to do things for me, not just because it was part of the db protocol or to get H's attention as part of some LRT.

Gaining a feeling of self worth has been a slow process, but I am enjoying the ride.

Pam

[JennyNC]

I'm new here and trying to take it all in.

I'm going through a lot of the same emotions you are. Especially since I've barely been separated and my H has moved on so quickly. And he won't speak to me anymore.

You mention that someone on this BB has done that - is there a post where they talk about it? I'm hoping it would help me to understand where my H is coming from. This all happened so quickly.

No more relationships for me, but I do want to heal the hurts of this situation.

I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

[sage]

Pam,

I'm so glad you have a new thread! I love what's going on for you right now...the positive changes you have made in your life, the getting involved and getting out and doing stuff! You have come SO FAR, my friend, in so many ways.

You made some interesting comments about C -- feeling frustrated? Care to elaborate? You know...there is a theory that the client <-> C relationship often mimics the client's experience overall in life (of course, that could be bunk) but sometimes it's interesting to check out what irks you about C and see if it resonates.

Sage

[psluke]

Hi Jenny,

I'm not familiar with your sitch but sometimes the WAS does seem to move on quickly and stop speaking. I think that has to do with them focusing elsewhere more than they have actually dealt with the feelings and emotions from the R.

Here is the link to the thread I was referring to although I'm not sure it will give you any insight.

here

Have you read the thread where Calystra's H posted? He was a WAS and they repaired their marriage. He gave some insight into the WAS thinking.

Thank you very much for the thoughts and prayers.

[psluke]

Hello Sage,

I actually started another thread as I feel I am going to need help and support to finish getting through processing my feelings and there isn't a better place than the bb to go for that kind of help.

I sometimes look at where I am and think I'm not in a bad place. That is when I am thinking logically. Then sometimes I just want to crawl in bed and not ever get up. I really do not like feeling that way and I don't know WHY I feel that way. D has been gone for a long time, I would not think it would still be sorrow over his leaving. I wonder if part of the reason I sometimes feel as if I have no reason to live is my low self worth. If I'm not important to someone I lose a sense of purpose. I have no idea if this makes any sense. Just trying to find answers so I can address the problem. The server is down and I am basically stalled and doing more thinking. I don't mean I feel down like before just that zest and desire for living isn't there!

I wasn't really irked with my C, I think I am gun shy when I feel we aren't making progress, because of my experience with my previous C. I do too much talking and it isn't focused. You know how my threads can be, especially in the past. I felt I was telling her what was going on, but was all over the place and the 45 minutes were up and I didn't feel I received any feedback or gained any ground in my last session.

[psluke]

Hello Sage,

I actually started another thread as I feel I am going to need help and support to finish getting through processing my feelings and there isn't a better place than the bb to go for that kind of help.

I sometimes look at where I am and think I'm not in a bad place. That is when I am thinking logically. Then sometimes I just want to crawl in bed and not ever get up. I really do not like feeling that way and I don't know WHY I feel that way. D has been gone for a long time, I would not think it would still be sorrow over his leaving. I wonder if part of the reason I sometimes feel as if I have no reason to live is my low self worth. If I'm not important to someone I lose a sense of purpose. I have no idea if this makes any sense. Just trying to find answers so I can address the problem. The server is down and I am basically stalled and doing more thinking. Not down like before just not that zest and enthusiasm for life a lot of times. Maybe that is something that comes slowly a bit at a time.

I wasn't really irked with my C, I think I am gun shy when I feel we aren't making progress, because of my experience with my previous C. I do too much talking and it isn't focused. You know how my threads can be, especially in the past. I felt I was telling her what was going on, but was all over the place and the 45 minutes were up and I didn't feel I received any feedback or gained any ground in my last session.

[psluke]

OK, I GIVE UP!!!

If I delete one of these it deletes both of them, if I then post one back it posts two of them.

[JennyNC]

Thank you so much for responding to me.

I just recently was told about this board, so I haven't had time to figure out where I fit in. Reading everyone else's threads has been very helpful to me.

I read the thread you linked to. I can see the abrupt change there, it felt like what my H did. His was over another woman. But all during our M he was always looking for other woman - he seemed to need that ego boost. Now I think he may have acted on more relationships than I originally thought.

The sad part is he initially did go for C and they said he was co-dependent. He's since then (of course) dropped the therapist and gone on to the 'next one'. I just wish he would have taken the time to heal himself, even if our R didn't survive.

Sorry for the babbling, but reading that thread made my mind go a mile a minute. Too close to the heart I guess!

You are a good person. Thank you again.

[psluke]

Hi Jenny,

I will see if I can find the thread that Calystra's H posted on.

I am sorry you are in this sitch. {{{{{{{{{{Jenny}}}}}}}}}}

I know it can be very confussing to try to even figure out what to say on the board, at least it was for me. I lurked for a while before posting.

I can say that even though my marriage was not saved I believe I was, there are some wonderful supportive people here and I don't know that I would have made it without them to help me through the worst of the mess.