Well I finally got W to agree to a schedule. Once a week, on saturdays. The day was her choice; I couldn't care less. I figure the schedule, any schedule, is a great starting point. If we stuck to a weekly schedule it would be literally 10 times more sex than I normally get, so who am I to complain.
So the first weekend rolls around, and I bring up the subject. We need to get the kids (7 and 3) out of the house for a couple of hours. Plenty of willing grandparents, so this shouldn't be a problem. What is her response? A lengthy list of things she needs to get done this weekend. So we probably won't have time. Gotta clean the house for a party we're having next weekend (seriously!). Gotta get supplies for S7's school project. Got some work she wants to do in the yard. On and on.
She doesn't say so directly, but what I hear is a list of things that are more important than our crazy little sex schedule scheme. More important than working on our marriage. How else could I take it?
I was pretty stunned by this and didn't really say anything. She took my silence (this was a phone conversation) as anger. But really, I'm just sort of speechless. And feeling hopeless. She knows how important this is. We've discussed it over and over. I've written emails and letters, chosen every word carefully. She knows how painful it is for me, and still she breaks our very first saturday date.
Saturday has come and gone now, and I didn't really call her on it. I'm going to though; I've got to. This can't go on. What makes her think she can treat me this way? Unfortunately, I know the answer to that question: experience. A decade of experience proves that I'll take the crap and come back for more. I have to change that dynamic. Let her know I really won't take it forever. This is a crisis in our marriage.
The rest of you, take a minute to peruse it and think up something witty and encouraging to say. All thoughts welcome. My wife has had some health problems that have basically prevented any evolution in our sexual relationship for most of the past year. I'm not complaining about that, her health is the most important thing. I mention it as an explanation of what has happened (nothing!) between now and my last post on my situation, many months ago.
We're finally at a place where we can move it forward, and so far the results are not encouraging.
It's late, I'm tired and depressed, and I'm not going to bother proofreading this post. So, someone please call me and let me know if I've left my real full name in here anywhere.
