I think I agree with your mom on this one. Dont move away just yet. It could be so final, unless that is what you want. I just dont think you want that just yet. You want just like me, an answer. Our H's really need to get together, it seems they handle things EXACTLY the same. Never an answer as to what they want. I think they want us to make the decision for us. At one point a few months ago I told H I wanted a D, but I wanted him to do it. He said fine I am not going to fight you on this...But he never did anything about it. I feel like when I read your posts it is my sitch playing out too..Your frustration knowing OW is in pic and not going away, your H's indecision, it just mirrors me and my sitch. So believe me I know how frustrating it can be. That is why until you KNOW for sure what you want to do, dont move away. It could be the end. I think just like you tho, that if the R with OW is going to continue it is not fair to be in the same house getting to live the life and have your cake too. I just cant get to the point of saying it (I've said it - leave if you are not going to stop - I just said it last week) and then actually follow thru. So right now my words are empty, so I am just going to keep trying to GAL until I see some sort of change. I think I might have a deadline in mind of our Anniversary in April. It certainly wont be a good one...He doesnt even kiss me anymore. Whatever you decide, we are all here for you ok
Sherry - he seems AWFULLY interested in what you were wearing and whether you had a good time!
Don't worry about the "you should go out with..." comments - many WASs say this stuff, then FREAK OUT when they think the LBS might be taking them up on it. In fact, several former WASs on this board have said they told their LBSs to date, thought they meant it, then panicked when their LBSs took them up on it.
I suggest you dress up real sexy and go "out" for the evening with "friends" - even if all you do is sit and read at Borders with a cup of coffee Let him start to wonder what you are up to.
Yeah, Sun, I feel the same way when I read your thread. Our sitches are so similar and our Hs actions, too.
I just really started thinking about summer since we both won't be working, I know I cannot handle the thought of him starting to sneak around and see ow again. I am fairly certain now it is only an EA and he really doesn't sneak around anymore, just hides the #*&^% phone.
So I had to do this for my sanity and my kids. It just isn't fair to them.
Ellie, great idea. I will do that this week during spring break. Get all dressed up and go out. If I don't meet up with friends then I will do something.
Sherry---if I was the hugging kind I would give you one! I agree with Ellie about his interest in you...especially now that you don't seem as interested in him. The old saying is you always want something you can't have. All WASs have comonalities...hell, my H told me he didn't want to work on the marriage (right now) but he's not leaving. I don't really get that....but it's because he, like your H and everybody else's WAS is confused. You told him what you wanted to, I would stick to your guns about Easter, your Mom seems like she wants to support whatever you decide and that she is willing to watch D4 is a bonus! Just because you don't leave or make him leave within a month or two does not mean you are going back on what you said, this is about you and it's on your timeframe. Do you recall a few weeks ago I was not moving with my H and I was giving him an ultimatum?? The only difference is I didn't say that to him...
Go over and read deerintheheadlights post, she took this all the way....Sage over in piecing is another great inspiration...she has been here a long time and has really insightful posts, she now has a great R with her H who was having an A (I believe EA) at one point...but you know what, she still doubts herself sometimes to because it is human nature.
Make a plan for spring break to go out by yourself and have some fun, if H won't watch the kids find a babysitter.
I also wanted to comment about your GAL allowing him more time to talk on the phone, as you know I struggle with that too. honestly, what's the difference? If you are there all of the time they are going to sneak around to do it. They're still doing it, the difference is we are having fun on our own...we don't NEED our h's...we want them (and sometimes we question why we want them! ) Bottom line is they can't make us happy, or sad or angry or anything else, they don't control our feelings...we do.
Hang in there and have a good weekend! I'm having movie night with the kids, we are watching the Incrdibles tonight!
Yes I am still going to the gym. It helps quite a bit with stress and sleeping. I am definately moving slowly here. How are you doing. You haven't been on your thread in awhile. I hope you are doing okay.
Unsure,
You are right about the GAL. I do feel better about me. Maybe that is why I have not been as upset this week as I thought I would be. A month and a half ago I would have been a basket case just thinking about asking H to leave. Now I am not.
Still planning on talking to H when the kids leave with the grandparents.
I have read a few things on assuming on these posts. Listen to them and don't assume or jump to conclusions. It doesn't help. I ASSumed yesterday. Yesterday when I picked D4 up from the daycare, as soon as I strapped her in she threw up. On the way home I called H to see if he would come home and help me. He didn't answer his phone. I tried again a few minutes later, no answer. I was fuming. I am thinking, you can't even click over and answer the phone when talking to ow. Anyway, I get home and H is home. He has not been home this early on a Friday night in a long time. He was playing drums, which means he probably wasn't on the phone. So I got mad for nothing. Shouldn't jump to conclusions, I have done that a few times this week and have been proven wrong.
I find myself getting more upset (not showing it-though) at his moodiness. It is getting harder to bite my tongue. He gets angry at the most ridiculous things and snaps at me or the children. I am ready to not have to deal with that. I am ready to say, you know ow can have you and your grumpiness. I am prepared for the worst this week. I am prepared for him to say "I don't know"--his favorite answer. I think I will be shocked if he decides to stay and end R with ow. I am not expecting that at all. I have been making plans in my head and checking a few things out.
I am becoming indifferent. Is that normal?? Thanks, Sherry
Quote: I am becoming indifferent. Is that normal??
It must be because as you may have read on my thread, I am feeling the same way. I can't explain it. I still have moments everyday where I think about what she is doing with the OP over at the Condo. I have to stop myself from driving over there daily but it is getting easier.
Anyway, you have shown incredible patience, toughness and strength in your situation. You give me strength. D12 and I are going to Church in the morning, I'll say an extra prayer for the tough texan!
We couldn't go to church today. D4 is sick. I have been taking the kids by myself for the last month.
H is acting so darn confussing. Not sure what is going on. He is joking with the kids and me.
Last night he went to bed early because of his head. After I got the kids to bed, I sat down to watch a movie. Made myself a drink and grabbed a snack and started watching. Not too much later, H comes in and plops down next to me (not touching, but pretty close) and just starts talking. He wants to know if the movie is any good, where his drink and dinner are (it is now after 11:00PM). He starts watching the movie and comments that he may want to see this from the beginning. So I offer to start the movie over. So... we watch the movie together.
This morning he is playful and in a good mood.
I am just anxious to get this over with. I want to talk and just move on. I don't like living like this, never knowing what is coming or what is going on with H.
Quote: ...H is acting so darn confussing. Not sure what is going on...I am just anxious to get this over with. I want to talk and just move on. I don't like living like this, never knowing what is coming or what is going on with H.
I hear ya, Sherry. I just read what you posted in my thread, and although it's an unfortunate thing to be going through, I'm glad someone else understands. Thank you.
Just hang in there, too. From what you said, it sounds like there are some improvements coming from your H. The playing around, talking, watching a movie together, and sitting closer to you. Hopefully those are some good steps. In my sitch, I would probably consider it to be more of the same old same old. My H is ok one day then extremely confused the next.
Be strong, Sherry. I'll try to do the same.
Valerie
"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination." ~ author unknown
as for me and mine.....my kids are great, they luv my place, it is very small, An open loft, bedroom above. Kitchen and bathroom below with a small stand up eating bar, I have the computer there, It is so close to the kids. They luv it, they helpeed me clean and pack to go to their Moms. As for me... I have a meeting Tuesday at 10:30am with my lawyer. Got her sep. papers Friday last. She has in there, that she wants the kids every Christmas eve and day. How am I to sign off on that?
I have not been able to write about this, hurts TOO MUCH. As for you... I want you to be strong and set a timeline, Goals, And a list of positive thing your H does, Like the joking, ETC, WRITE IT DOWN.
Let him start to wonder what you are up to.
) Bottom line is they can't make us happy, or sad or angry or anything else, they don't control our feelings...we do.