Sherry, this does go against the DBing principles...but it is posted all over this board that you are the only one whod can decided how much you can put up with. You've read my thread, you know that I go back and forth, the only thing keeping me from doing it now is that I have no idea what the interaction is between them right now and I choose to act as if there isn't any.
I agree with NY, you have to stick to what you said. Continue to detach, now the hard part comes: Since your H did not tell you what you were hoping (the problem with ultimatums)you have to move forward with your plan to transfer and move. That doesn't mean that you have to close the door to reconciliation.
Your H is confused, if he wasn't he either would have left you already or stopped contact with ow. Honestly, if he would have done either of those things still doesn't mean he wouldn't be confused.
Get out DR and re-read it and post your new goals. They should be changing now since you just changed the situation.
Go to the gym tonight if you haven't...you'll feel better.
