Okay...the old KEBall, the one that can face the intensity of this BB is back! Sorry he disappeared for a while, I'm not sure what happened. I'm back to the C today...hopefully, it was a normal path for someone with my back issues. AND, having said that, you guys can stop walking on eggshells with me!
Quote: I had a thought for you (hopefully helpful, not offensive). Have you ever considered that maybe you hold a certain amount of resentment towards your W because although you worship her like you worshipped your six older sisters, she couldn't give you the level of attention that you would have received as a child being the baby boy in a large family of girls?
JJ--I wonder the same thing myself...and so does my W! One of her points in ending our M is that I only love her like she's one of my sisters. It's a good thing to ponder because you're right (most of) my sisters doted on me as a child--up to our marriage. My W comes from a different background--she's the oldest of 4 girls. While they had a loving mother (their father died when she was 7) and grandparents and extended family, no one completely doted upon them. So, she has a different way about her when it comes to the level attention she provides. And, in marrying her, I naturally started to pull away from my family (mom and sisters)...so, I lost that attention and didn't necessarily gain more from her. BUT, in the beginning, I was so busy ladeling the attention on her (because, Lord knows, I had plenty in reserve), I didn't necessarily notice I wasn't getting it in return. I don't know...I forgot where I was going with this. I guess that could be a definite contributor in the whole S issue.
HP--empathy-smempathy, I deserved the whackings I got yesterday! You're very sweet to be concerned...sometimes, that Catholic guilt escapes from us whether we want it to or not! Speaking of...would you mind sharing the Catholic website? But, you're right about the unconditional part of love...I guess that is one of those bitter pills I need to swallow in this whole thing.
Honestly, I know my wife loves me (deep inside) or else she wouldn't still be around (see GEL, I am learning). She is just hurting to the very depth of her being...I see that in her eyes...so, to protect herself (which she learned to do at 7--see above about dad), she puts on armor--thick, thick armor. She doesn't want me to hurt either but she doesn't see a way back...taking off the armor which by now has probably melded with her skin, would hurt too much. So, that's where we are. She needs something new and fresh...either a new person or a new me. I don't know which she'll choose but I'm doing my damndest to make myself into that.
Life is too short to live this sadly. Twenty years of love is a long time...but it's not a life time. In fact, it's barely over my lifetime so far. I won't stop loving Ms.KEBall...because she gave me what she was capable of giving in that department and because she's the mother of my children. If we can rekindle what we have, GREAT, I will be the richest man on the earth. If we don't, I know I still have her love as a friend. I have the love of my children. I have the love of family and friends (I consider you guys in that category). But most imporantly, I will have the love of myself!!!!! I may not be there yet...but I'm working on it!
Okay...where did the smchaltz come from!? Sorry guys. But thanks for humoring me!!
