I am taking this opportunity to start my own thread and quit raining on KEB's parade. He seems to have a firm grip on the course ahead, and I doubt he wants my bad news hanging around. If you are interested, I gathered all of my eggs into one basket at LDH+WAW= NOT SOL Thanks for all of the expert advice!
csw-- You aren't raining on my parade...in fact, I do that pretty well myself.
It's another one of those poor pitiful me days...I HATE THE WEEKEND! I mean, we are all here in the house...my kids are laughing and having fun...the W is playing right along with them. I am in the room and going through the motions but have to leave every now and again to cry like a baby.
In our C session yesterday, my W said, "we have to get ON with this. We're two months into this and haven't moved one way or another. I want out."
It cut me to the bone. I keep trying to remain positive but knowing that she isn't even interested in moving forward toward reconciliation...it hurts terribly.
Our counselor is wonderful. She tries to help me see but she also makes comments about what an amazing couple we are. And that folks, is what keeps me so sad all the time. We ARE an amazing couple. We know each other SO well. We can complete each others' thoughts most of the time...we are on the same page about raising our kids. We like doing most of the same things together...it's just that for 13 years (actually...only about the last 5) that I wasn't attnentive to her every whim in bed. AND THAT IS WHY SHE WANTS TO LEAVE ME!
People I tell about this are SO shocked. They don't believe that there is anything wrong in our relationship. They think we're both wonderful. So WHY!? WHY!? WHY?!? Does this have to happen!?!?
I feel so on the verge of overcoming my past...and she won't even hang around to help. I want to HATE her but it's too hard...I've loved her for over 20 years.
Sorry everyone...just feeling sad and needing to vent. I gotta get back to cleaning my closet before she gets back with lunch.
Hey Keb, Hang in there. You are getting results, depite their dimension. Ignore the hurtful things you hear, and don't beat yourself up! Kindly point out that two months out of twenty years is not nearly enough time for W to expect disolution of your feelings. Beyond that, ignore anything I say, as I can't get out of my own mess
I have taken up raquetball, and it is a good feeling smashing that little ball around as hard as possible, even if I did lose four games in a row. I used to hammer hot metal for a living, so I didn't need any excuses for smashing things
Remember she's going to be very unsure and threatened by the things you are doing lately...she doesn't trust that these changes in you are real...yet. For her it's going to be much easier to believe leaving is the best thing for her...it's much easier than trusting you, sticking her neck back on the line....and then having you lop her head off again. Of course I'm not saying that's what you're going to do....but that's very possibly how she sees your situation.
I truly do believe she still loves you, otherwise she wouldn't reflexively respond to some of your advances...or tell you she loves you. When things like this weekend happen, try to remind yourself....that you knew it would happen. Remind yourself to be that "Man of Steel" that NOPkins mentioned before
Man of Steel, Man of Steel, how the heck are you supposed to feel?
I believe that GEL is correct... Reflexes speak louder than words. My W still shows a far muted version of the reflexes you describe, so I too retain hope. Keep her impressed by your resolve, and try to keep your tears in the other room, or better yet, when no one is around. Men of steel rust if they are overly weepy! (I'm learning!)
Hey Keb, I followed your lead and tried my luck last night. I didn't get what I was looking for, but I definitely got some reflex action, and a decent kiss for a change. Today W let me in on some of the things in our past that were bothering her, and we cleared a bit of the fog. Stay the course, you set a good example!
I did not talk about OM. We talked finances, primarily. I am taking great care to formulate my discussion strategy, otherwise I will quickly derail and become a man of feel. W admitted not revealing her feelings over the years, and we agreed to further counsel. I am very close to the OM talk, but I need my wits about me, or I may blow it. I do want to trust W, but I have been looking for evidence. The check that caused worry last week was still folded in her coat pocket, so no other bank acct... Slow and easy is my mantra. I don't want to push her out by doing something stupid.
Last night was fun. I will try again tonight. If I get a kiss, I suppose I am ahead of the game!
That's fine, I was just curious. Now that even she admits to the fact that she wasn't honest about her feelings perhaps she'll rethink her stance about being in such a rush now to leave too
