csw-- You aren't raining on my parade...in fact, I do that pretty well myself.
It's another one of those poor pitiful me days...I HATE THE WEEKEND! I mean, we are all here in the house...my kids are laughing and having fun...the W is playing right along with them. I am in the room and going through the motions but have to leave every now and again to cry like a baby.
In our C session yesterday, my W said, "we have to get ON with this. We're two months into this and haven't moved one way or another. I want out."
It cut me to the bone. I keep trying to remain positive but knowing that she isn't even interested in moving forward toward reconciliation...it hurts terribly.
Our counselor is wonderful. She tries to help me see but she also makes comments about what an amazing couple we are. And that folks, is what keeps me so sad all the time. We ARE an amazing couple. We know each other SO well. We can complete each others' thoughts most of the time...we are on the same page about raising our kids. We like doing most of the same things together...it's just that for 13 years (actually...only about the last 5) that I wasn't attnentive to her every whim in bed. AND THAT IS WHY SHE WANTS TO LEAVE ME!
People I tell about this are SO shocked. They don't believe that there is anything wrong in our relationship. They think we're both wonderful. So WHY!? WHY!? WHY?!? Does this have to happen!?!?
I feel so on the verge of overcoming my past...and she won't even hang around to help. I want to HATE her but it's too hard...I've loved her for over 20 years.
Sorry everyone...just feeling sad and needing to vent. I gotta get back to cleaning my closet before she gets back with lunch.
